New Year, New Loss, New Schedule

#142. Well, it's finally here. Another new year.
How are you feeling as we head into 2026?

This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss, and we're Chris & Claire Sandys, your childless hosts.

New Year's aren't easy for many people, so wherever you find yourself emotionally, this short episode is here to offer you a bit of hope and encouragement for the days ahead, and remind you that you're not alone if your year hasn’t started as you hoped. 

Plus, I share about a recent loss we've been going through, and explain why there might be a bit of a delay before the next episode is released.

And here are the links to read, or listen to, the blogs I mention:

Know Hope:
https://thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com/1799189/episodes/14113284-blog-my-why-know-hope

We've all got triggers, but did you know you have glimmers too?:
https://thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com/1799189/episodes/12776245-blog-my-why-we-ve-all-got-triggers-but-did-you-know-you-have-glimmers-too 

Chapters

• 0:02 Welcome And Mission Of The Podcast
• 2:46 A Quiet New Year And Personal Loss
• 4:59 Rethinking Grief For Long Lives
• 7:31 Auntie Olwyn’s Story And WWII Audio
• 9:49 Glimmers And Small Comforts
• 10:49 Plans, Delays, And Health Update
• 13:44 The House Fire And Complex Grief

Transcript

Claire: 0:02

Hello friends, and welcome back to The Silent Why Podcast in 2026. That sounds like such a futuristic year. And I guess that comment will make me sound proper old, but it's a good job that I suspect the average listener on this podcast is going to agree with me. If you're new to joining us this year, then welcome. If you've been here before, then welcome back. I'm Claire, your friendly podcast host, and sometimes I'm joined by my husband Chris, but not today. We're a childless couple after infertility, and that's where our passion for different kinds of loss came from, and that's how this podcast was born. We're a podcast that explores loss but all kinds of it, and we're looking to see if hope can exist in every kind of grief. But we're also a resource to help people get through grief, whether that's after the grief occurs, or to equip ourselves before it happens. And we're on a mission to find 101 different types of loss, and so far we've reached 66. Since we started in September 2021, we've put out 233 episodes, we've reached 26 different countries across all continents. Well, except Antarctica, no one ever gives us any stats for there, and we've spoken to nearly a hundred people about loss on the podcast. 93 to be precise. And here we are once again, hovering just inside the edge of another new year. And so far, I have to say it's been a lovely wintery start to the year weather wise in Gloucestershire, England. It's been sunny but also very cold, perfect for getting out those knitted hats and scarves and wrapping up nice and warm. Or if you're like us sitting by the fire, which in our case is the video of a fire that you can run on your TV on Netflix. Not quite the same, but you do get that nice little fire crackling sound. So here I am, back in my podcast room, with the heater on, the mic in front of me, and I'm recording you an episode on my own, and it feels like forever since I've done that. So please excuse me if I sound a bit rusty. I don't know how you're feeling as you enter 2026. Maybe it's exciting for you. Maybe you're scared. Maybe you're sad, or maybe you just couldn't give two hoots. Whatever your mood, a strong theme of this podcast is to remind you that you're not alone in how you're feeling. That probably matters less if you're excited and pumped for 2026, but it's a key thing to remember if you're on the more blue end of the emotional scale. Many people struggle when they enter a new year, for all kinds of reasons, and I'm here to remind you that that's okay. And at the end of this episode, I'm going to share some important things that I want you to know to help you face what's ahead. Although actually it's what our guests want you to know, because it's from our guests, so stay tuned for those. Anywho, did you celebrate the new year coming in? We did not. Our new year was very quiet. We went to bed before midnight, first time I can ever remember doing that, and then we were woken at midnight by fireworks going off, which I quite like really. Then we said Happy New Year to each other and we went back to sleep. Not hugely exciting. Sadly, the mood didn't get a lot better that weekend because a few days later, on Saturday the 3rd of January, I had a phone call with some sad news from my mum, who lives on the other side of England, to say that my adopted auntie Olwyn had died. I couldn't say it was a shock because I had been wondering if this call would come every day for the last two years. It was a very long goodbye to someone who lived to a hundred and six years old. In fact, she made it into her hundred and seventh year. I think that's why 2026 sounds so futuristic to me, because she was born in nineteen nineteen, and they're the two dates that are going to sit next to each other on her funeral order of service. And because Chris and I can't help but ponder on these different aspects of life and loss, it's once again raised questions for us, assumptions around grief. Why do we assume the grief isn't as deep when someone dies when they're old? Even though they've been in your life so much longer than someone who's younger. It also made me think about why we assume someone lived a good life if they were old. I've had people say, that's a good life. Is it? Do we know it's a good life? You can live a long time and it be a bad life. And how it's strange when someone dies, and there's no form of goodbye. Which Chris and I have experienced with pretty much all our family members so far. So of course we're going to be exploring things like this, and I will do an episode at some point. In fact, I've always said I'll do an episode on the loss of Auntie Owen, or the loss of a hundred and six year old, because I have some very special audio that I really want to share with you, and I wanted to wait until after she died. A few years ago, way before we were podcasters, Chris and I recorded Auntie telling us about her experiences during World War II. Auntie was in her early twenties during the war and lived and worked in the city of Portsmouth on the south coast of England, which saw a lot of bombing due to it being a naval base. These are very unique stories that I can't wait to share with you, and that I've also sent to the Imperial War Museum a few years ago for their archives. As a small side note, between my mum and Chris, they actually got me some flowers today to cheer me up after losing Auntie, and because I had to take down Christmas, I do love having Christmas stuff around the house. And they managed to find a small bunch of daffodils, which always reminds me of Auntie because she was Welsh and that's the beloved symbol of Wales. But that's the earliest I've ever had any, the 5th of January, so that was a lovely little glimmer in my day. And if you're not familiar with glimmers, kind of the opposite of triggers, then check out my blog that I did on those, because they're special little things in our lives. So what's coming up on the podcast this year? Well, I would love to tell you, but the truth is I don't know yet. There's a very good reason for this, and that's why I wanted to put out this short episode to keep you all in the loop. I don't like just relying on social media posts to update you on things because I know not everyone is on social media. So what I do know is that this year we'll have more lost guests. I'm a complete finisher, there is no way I am not reaching 101 on this lost list. There'll be blogs with various thoughts I've been having on things, there'll be let's chat interviews with people who specialise in areas of grief that can help us, and I'm hoping there'll be new types of episodes that might come along too. However, there are a few reasons why there'll be a little bit of a delay before my next episode, so I'm asking for a little bit of patience from you while I get myself together. These reasons are, firstly, I usually have a few interviews in the bag ready to go ahead of time, so I'm always slightly ahead on my editing schedule with interviews to put out. But because Chris and I spent eight weeks abroad at the end of last year, I'm starting from scratch again this year. Plus, that time away didn't give us all the space we thought we'd need to ponder on life and the year ahead and the podcast, so I'm trying to find time to still do that as well. Secondly, regular listeners will also know that I'm on a real journey with some health issues, all related to those very fun little creatures we call hormones. Well, I'm getting another new implant to sort those out again this week, so I'm just waiting for that to kick in and give me the motivation and clear head that I need to get back into everything I need to do. Thirdly, with Auntie dying, I just need a little bit of space to process that, help with the funeral where I can, write a eulogy and sort that kind of stuff out over the next three to four weeks. And fourthly, we've been really thinking about loss a lot over the festive season and new year, and I'm letting this shape my thoughts about the podcast and any new areas we can tap into and how it can provide what people need. An example of this was on Boxing Day. The local news reported on a house fire not too far from here. The fire claimed the life of a young wife and mother, two young children and the family dog, leaving their husband and father, who was also a policeman, alone, after he tried to rescue them but couldn't re-enter the house. As more information was released, Chris and I couldn't help but think about the extent and the reach of such a loss, and the seemingly endless list of losses that came with such a tragic accident. Especially for Tom, the husband that survived. Not just the loss of a wife, two children and a pet, each one of those a huge loss in itself, but also the loss of a home, a place of safety to grieve in, photos, identity, toys, anything that feels familiar and safe. Even your own bed, or little things like toiletries, tiny things that aren't accessible in your grief, the items that you can't hold to cry over to help you grieve, the phone calls that need to be made, the amount of people that are involved, the extent of the loss to family, relatives, friends, school friends, teachers, emergency workers, colleagues, neighbours, reporters, funeral directors. Then you have things like survivor guilt to contend with. The list feels so extreme, something no human should really ever have to endure in one go. But it was also interesting to see the response to such a situation. The people that instantly wanted to help and started raising money for Tom. £426,000 has been raised so far as I record this. Those that will get lost in such a grief even if it isn't theirs. Those that feel an instant new sense of gratitude for their family and home. Those that want to hide from such a situation because they don't want to think about what it would be like to go through it. Grief is such a far-reaching, complex topic that I want to make sure the podcast never loses sight of the impact that it can have on people. Especially because we're all so different, and therefore our grief and our reaction to it are also so different. But I'm also aware, especially in a situation like this, of all the people that won't know what to say to the surviving family, the awkward silences, the crossing the road to try and avoid trying to find what to say, the friends that seem to vanish or become muted by the situation. People on the whole still don't know how to deal with grief, and we need to get better at that, and I believe that comes from listening to those who have been through it and being willing to learn about how we can do it better. So all these situations and thoughts fuel what I want the podcast to be about and what it needs to offer to help people do this. So my brain is a little all over the place at the moment, so please be patient and know that I'm working on things. I will get back into the podcast momentum as soon as I can. But if there's a little break from them coming out every other Tuesday, that's why. If you haven't caught up with the latest episodes, then you can catch up on those while you wait. We put out two episodes while we were in Singapore and Australia about our travels and what we thought of that side of the world, and we also put out our usual chatty Christmas catch-up where Chris and I share how we're feeling about Christmas, life, being childless, and what it was like to be back in the cold UK after so long in the sun. So whatever you look like, however you're feeling, I want to wish you a lot of hope for this new year. Whether it's chocked full already, whether it's a completely blank canvas, whether it's a year of uncertainty, or whether it's a year where you know there's a loss that's going to occur. Just know that you're not alone, and we're here to help you find the tools to get through it. Before I share my list of encouragements, if you want to find out more about us and our story with childlessness, you can visit www.thesilentwhy.com or listen to episode three of the podcast. You can also follow us on social media @ thesilentwhypod, and the latest post on Instagram will show you a lovely bunch of photos of my auntie Olwyn, plus my own little eulogy to her, and thank you to the person who commented saying they googled my auntie because they found all the articles about her going up in a glider for her hundredth birthday. And she did it again, I think, on her 103rd birthday. I'd forgotten about those images and articles, so thank you. And if you Google Olwyn Hopkins, O-L-W-Y-N, you'll find those as well. And lastly but not leastly, don't forget that if you know someone who's grieving and you want to send them something unique, I crochet grief companions called Herman's exactly for that purpose. And for the whole of January, there's £10 off any Herman's purchase. Just visit www.thehermancompany.com. And if you live in a country that won't let me easily ship them to you as a business, then get in touch with me and I'll see what I can work out. Wishing you all a 2026 that is full of unexpected blessings along the way, dollops of hope, much joy, and oodles of peace. So here's my ten plus one nos, K N O W S, that I want to share with you. They originally came from the blog My Why, No Hope, you can get the link in the show notes. I gathered them from the first batch of Hermans we got on the podcast, and the fact that there's ten plus one has nothing to do with me not being able to squeeze them into ten. If you don't know what a Herman is, check out the link in the show notes, but as well as being crocheted grief buddies, they actually started as a question we ask all our lost guests. What's your Herman? What is something you've learnt about, nurtured or cultivated in your grief that you want to share with others? Something that's really blessed you, something you think will help others in their grief as well. So listen to these and see which one stands out most for you this year as you enter 2026. I hope something here that one of our guests has shared will bring you real comfort or remind you of a truth that you really need to hear as you enter 2026.

Claire: 12:23

1. Know you are going to die one day, and use that to start really living.

Claire: 12:31

2. Know you're allowed to feel what you're feeling and give it the space it needs.

Claire: 12:39

3. Know it's not the end of the world. There are people worse off than you.

Claire: 12:44

4. Know life will beat you up, but it can't take away your faith, hopes, or dreams.

Claire: 12:52

5. No there's a cycle to growth, and it's entirely possible to come through stronger.

Claire: 13:00

6. Know there's a god or a higher power that helps you make sense of the world and what you go through.

Claire: 13:08

7. Know there's a lot to be thankful for and have appreciation for. Simple things like opening your eyes in the morning. Take every opportunity now.

Claire: 13:20

8. Know you can change the narrative and your story. It doesn't have to be what you inherit.

Claire: 13:28

9. Know that everything is temporary, even your pain. Time will help you process things, even if it doesn't heal everything in the way you want.

Claire: 13:39

10. Know that those we've loved and lost come with us on the rest of the journey.

Claire: 13:46

10 plus 1. Know you're not alone, and this is not the end.