The Silent Why: finding hope in grief and loss
Claire Sandys is on a mission to see if it's possible to find hope in 101 different types of loss and grief (often joined by husband Chris). New ad-free episodes every other Tuesday. With childless (not by choice) hosts, this podcast is packed with deep, honest experiences of grief and hope from inspiring guests. You also get: tips on how to navigate and prepare for loss, blogs, experts, exploring how loss is handled on TV, and plenty of Hermans. For more visit: www.thesilentwhy.com.
The Silent Why: finding hope in grief and loss
Chris & Claire chat Oz, mini mics, Bin Chickens and a special form
#138. We're off on an Ozzie adventure!
But, first things first, as promised, the all-important anonymous form: 👉 https://forms.gle/LmFrrd4xvvnEhG5R9 👈 (it'll make sense when you've listened to the episode!)
Welcome to The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, exploring if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.
This episode is a little different, because we recorded in an unusual location about a very unusual topic!
We (Chris & Claire) are embarking on an adventure. For the rest of this year, we won’t be releasing our usual fortnightly episodes - primarily because we’re heading down under for a while - but this doesn't mean we'll be Silent. Why?
Listen to find out.
Oh, and about that ticking clock… no, you’re not going mad - I don't think you can hear it!
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Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com
Thank you for listening.
Right, are we doing an intro?
Chris:Yeah, we need to.
Claire:Do you want to do that bit?
Chris:Don't do it off-piece very often.
Claire:Yeah.
Chris:Okay.
Claire:That is really weird. Okay, it is a bit different. Yeah, okay, but this is still The Silent Why podcast.
Chris:Yeah Right, Hello and welcome to The Silent Why podcast.
Claire:Even with hand actions. Hello.
Chris:Yes, today is a little different.
Claire:Yeah, because we're sitting in a different room of the house using different microphone technology to record.
Chris:I feel like it's not proper. We're just sat here looking at each other, little microphones on our jumpers. We're not in the big usual setup. I feel like it's odd.
Claire:Well, let's introduce ourselves in a less odd way. I'm Chris.
Chris:I'm Claire.
Claire:A husband and wife couple. We run the Silent Y podcast as our mission to explore 101 different kinds of permanent loss. We're up in the 60s Yep, and this episode is a bit different because the future is a bit different.
Chris:Yes, not the whole future.
Claire:No, no, just the near future, just the next few months, yeah.
Chris:As I've mentioned before in previous episodes or alluded to, chris and I are having a.
Claire:I don't know what we're calling it yet actually.
Chris:It's like people are calling it a sabbatical. So I think we've adopted the kind of phrase that yeah, it might be a sabbatical, it's a long holiday holiday.
Claire:that we've been looking forward to um or had in the diary for we think maybe the three years ish, three to four yes, three to four years in the planning. I think we explored doing something big for your 40th birthday, because my 40th birthday we did something wonderful, went to iceland we flew there and had a week was it yeah, and then it came to your 40th birthday, which fell around the pandemic time, didn't it it?
Chris:was 2021, so we were still under restrictions of only meeting up in bubbles and things bubbles.
Claire:So that didn't really happen for you. And then we thought, well, we've got our 20th wedding anniversary coming up, which is this year, and so we set to on planning something quite big and at the same time, developing our friendship with Dave in Western Australia over the last four or five years, and so we've coincided basically with I was going to say scabbing free, but it's probably what's a more generic known term for taking advantage of friends, and family for free accommodation.
Chris:We were invited to visit and we took the opportunity.
Claire:Yes, and extended that invite to several weeks. So we're going to Western Australia via Singapore, where my brother and his wife are currently living temporarily, and staying with them for a few days and then heading to Western Australia for several weeks.
Chris:And by the time this goes out, it will be almost days away.
Claire:And that's quite scary because this last year has absolutely flown. So our routine is going to be massively disrupted and we didn't want to pause and not put out any podcast content, because we really enjoy doing this.
Chris:Yeah, I'm always nervous that everyone will go away and not come back again.
Chris:So I don't want that to happen and you know some very lovely people support the podcast. So I don't want to just like have loads of months off every year because that doesn't seem fair. And we, yeah, we just like keeping people updated with where we are, and I think that includes the good and the bad. And so, when we were thinking about it, normally I've taken last few years I've taken August off podcasting to focus on writing and other stuff, because we tend to put episodes out every couple of weeks all year. It's very rare we have a week or a break. So I thought I'll take August off, because it's very hard to record interviews in August, because it's quite noisy around here with children in the gardens nearby, so I normally have August off. I didn't have August off this year because I knew we were going to have to change things from October onwards. So, yeah, instead. Well, we don't know exactly what we're doing yet, but it is going to be something different and we've been mulling it over.
Claire:Even this is different right now this is different. It might be us just sitting in a room with these new microphones that we've bought for ourselves, that we can clip onto ourselves, rather than the proper plumbed plumbed in.
Chris:Yeah, this is our first practice run with the small microphones that we have purchased that we can take with us to australia so that we can do stuff if we want to, yeah, while we're away. But it is weird. I am going to have to get used to it because I feel like like this is such a casual environment, I feel like I might get tricked into saying even more than I normally share, and I'm quite an oversharer anyway. So, yeah, it's sort of it's weird, but I need to get used to it.
Claire:I need to get used to this whole new microphone setup for when we're away and we want to do stuff quite right and what we should say as well, probably because when we go away on holiday, we're pretty unusual in that we use those opportunities for quite deep conversation between the two of us. Anyway, yes, some people can be quite scared by the fact that we return from holidays as the two of us having worked on marriage stuff I think last time was it our last time away where you actually planned a couple of marriage questionnaires- probably there's a fairly famous counselor I can't remember her name does a podcast and stuff in esther parole, esther parole, yeah, and
Claire:you. You literally downloaded or printed off a couple of questionnaires that we worked through, uh. So we went away and were quite intentional about the conversations we were having about marriage stuff and about how we connect and how we remain connected, uh, and so I remember I remember getting back to work after that particular time away and somebody saying, like what did you get up to? And I was like, well, we did some incredibly deep work on our marriage and they were just like you could just see their eyes open. I don't really know what to say about that. I just want to know if you had some candy floss.
Chris:Clearly you're having problems.
Claire:Yeah, so we do enjoy, I think, the time away from routine, the time away from expectations, just a reset, and for us, that requires conversation and we know that our time in Australia, yes, it's something very different and there will be lots of conversation. We have expectations different and there will be lots of conversation. We have, we have expectations. We are pretty sure that this is going to do some really interesting work in us, in our marriage, in each in each other, and whether we do that with microphones on or not is the question yeah, what do we do?
Chris:the other thing I've also realized is that we left the clock on, so if I edit any of this, I'm going to have to be very cautious of the clock ticking. I'm really hoping now that we'll just go through and I won't have to edit any of it.
Claire:Yeah, there's not going to be much silence. These are all things we're learning. We're learning about.
Chris:There's not normally a clock in the background.
Claire:You can probably, if it's annoying on a podcast, can you hear it? And I've got two clocks. I've got the big clock over there on my left ear and the doorway.
Chris:I've got a second clock. Yeah see, we didn't think about this, but anyway. Well, there you go. These are all good learning.
Claire:This is behind the scenes editing, but now actually in my professional capacity, a few times I've had to say to people could we just move away from this if there's a vehicle moving or if there's your clocks ticking, because if you put little edit points in it can be really difficult if there's a ongoing sound yeah, that's the challenge for the listeners listen to the clock and if you hear it go and it's not in time, you know we edited something out.
Claire:Yeah, but I'm hoping we won't need to edit this you are very good at editing and you have very, very good oversight from me yes, who picks up all of my mistakes instantly. I'm very kind and gracious about pointing them out to you.
Chris:Yeah, yeah, you're very good. We've never had a conversation about how harsh you are with that at all.
Claire:So we will enjoy this. We will enjoy this a lot, I think. Just chatting intentionally with microphones on whether we're in the garden with galahs and different bird sounds whether we're at the beach.
Claire:You know how exciting to think we could record our conversation. We don't need to be sitting upright and very close to big microphones wide into a computer. So see how this goes, but do we do it? I think the question we want to throw out there is is there anything you would like to hear? I mean, clearly, option one could just be us being us and just doing what we do and what we really enjoy doing in our marriage, which is chatting to each other, spending time with each other. So it could just be that. It could just be how we're feeling, how we're getting on A bit of a road trip diary.
Chris:Yeah, kind of what we're seeing, what it feels like.
Claire:Yeah, how much we're seeing what it feels like. Yeah, how much we're sweating. We've never been to singapore, we've never been to australia. It's going to be eye-opening, coupled with the fact that we've never well, in 25 years of work for me, I've never had longer than three weeks off I think, that's right.
Chris:Even medically did I when I had nose surgery when I had my septoplasty that wasn't more than three weeks was it.
Claire:So I've never in 25 years of work, I've never had longer than three weeks off in one block. We've done a couple of trips over the last 15 years. So this trip for me for nine weeks off work is going to be really interesting, because I know that the I'm going to be really giddy, excited for the first spell. Then that's going to wear off after a week or two and then I wonder if I'm going to hit some sort of slump, whether I'll hit some sort of blue. I don't know what's going on. This is very different. So I'm partly wondering if I'll hit a bit of a low point and then I'll come back up and really get into it. That's sort of what I think might happen.
Chris:I might be wrong yeah, it's an interesting one, I do think, and that's why it probably helps to give some context as to why you'd want to hear from us or not, because I think it will still. I think a lot of what we will talk about, what we will experience, what we will go through, will still be very much linked to the podcast topic. Anyway, I don't think we'll be too far off topic with this. We are not heading into a holiday where we have yes, we've got eight weeks away in total. We're not packing that with loads of stuff. So some people are saying to us oh, you know, you're going to Australia, you're going to do Sydney, you're doing the East Coast, you're doing New Zealand, whatever, we're not doing a lot of that. We're not doing the East Coast, we're not doing New Zealand, we're considering Tasmania, but we're keeping it pretty low key and to see how we are when we get there. And I think that's because we're not in a place in life where we feel like we have the energy or we want to waste eight weeks just rushing around and then come back. I think for us it's quite precious time, because it's a long amount of time away from our routine. I think it's going to be quite helpful and healing for us. That's my hope anyway.
Chris:But so we're also going in a way that's a bit tentative because, as most of you will know, I've had health issues over the years. We were pretty confident they would be well behind us almost by the time we went to Australia. We're now less than four weeks out from leaving and it's not where we want it to be yet. So it's that's been very tricky, so that I've got that tentatively in the back of my mind. What if I'm not feeling? Amazing. What if I don't feel well when I'm on holiday? That would be really disheartening. We've had so many holidays where that has sort of impacted it, so there's a lot of nervousness there as well.
Chris:I also think stepping away from life makes us reflect a lot more, and the older I get, the different reflections I find I'm having on being childless and not being a mum. And you know what's the purpose. What does the future look like? What do I want it to look like? I need to make a decision on that, or else I'm just going to float through the rest of my years not really knowing.
Chris:So there's a lot of stuff on our minds still, and I think it's still linked to a lot of grief and loss. So I think it'll also be interesting to see if that impacts us at all, in either a good way, because we've got the space to think it through and we're away from things. Maybe that's really helpful and healing. Or, you know, it could hit us in a big way and think, oh my word, we're actually grieving at the moment and then we might come out of that and be able to enjoy. It might be lovely to grieve in a hot country. I don't know what it's going to look like. I might be fit and well and we have an amazing time and I'm full of beans and it's like this is fantastic. I don't know.
Chris:So I think if we do some stuff while we're away, it's probably going to be a mix of processing all that. So I still think it's on topic for us, which is nice, but it'd be also lovely to share if people are interested in where we're going, what we're doing. What does Australia feel like to a Brit and what are the things there that are different? What are the things there that are surprising? What are we? Yeah, what are the things there that are different? What are the things there that are surprising. What are we doing? How are we getting on?
Claire:I don't want to overcommit, but I think we could potentially do a conversation a week.
Chris:It probably is overcommitting, but yeah, it wouldn't be a normal episode would it?
Claire:We're not doing all that lovely intro with clips.
Chris:No, it won't be a scaled-down version.
Claire:Lots of editing, it's just going to be push, push, start on the recorder yeah, and I also think if we do it, there's a very high chance.
Chris:Rather than so, we're away for eight weeks, so that would be the equivalent of four full podcast episodes that we would skip if we did nothing. There's not that many, but it's eight weeks and I think if we did this, I'd be very tempted to record, put it together, stick it out. I'm not going to be doing stuff every other tuesday and saving things up for that. My plan is, if you want to be on this journey with us, then over those eight weeks I'm just going to push episodes out as and when we have stuff, so it could be any time of day or night, and it could be 10 minutes, it could be an hour, I don't know. Keep it free like that, really. So what we thought we would use this episode for is just to update you a bit on that and let you know what's happening. What we're thinking and also, do you want to hear anything from us is is that something that you would be interested in?
Claire:it's a horrible question to us because it might be no, it's terrifying, really.
Chris:So what we're going to do is, I think, the easiest way. I'm going to put a link to a google form in the show notes and if you'd like to hear from us, click on that link and just fill out. There's probably going to be like two, three questions of like what is the kind of thing you'd like to hear? I'll probably put some options and then a free box to put whatever and it's completely anonymous. And if you want to hear from us, if you'd be interested in that kind of thing, fill out the box, hit submit. It'll take you like two seconds. It's not even a case of opening up a new email and sending it. It's not a case of go to the website and fill in this. It's going to be right there. I'm making it as easy as possible so that hopefully, people will reply. If nobody replies, we won't do anything. We will just go and have eight weeks, enjoy it and just not think about the podcast. It can go either way.
Claire:That's really yeah, you're setting yourself up for potential problems there. Why? Because no one might reply, and then we'll feel really hurt.
Chris:Well, we'll process it on our own.
Claire:But I think it's, but I think I quite enjoy doing a.
Chris:Yeah, I'd like to do it Like an audio diary, but if nobody's really interested in it, then we can do it ourselves and have it. That's fine. Or maybe I'll use it for episodes when we get back. But I'm not going to go to the effort of doing all this. If there is zero interest from people and I understand if there might not be they might be like I don't want to hear about your sodding long holiday. That sounds yeah, but it's not a holiday.
Claire:No, it's an adventure, it's time away, it's a trip. But, yeah, even the worst holiday.
Chris:You don't know instantly whether they want to hear from us or not. But I just want to encourage people. I think there will be a load of people that do want to hear, but I also think that they might think other people will just message in so they won't do anything. So there is a very real chance of getting no responses. It's a famous fact in podcasting that to get engagement from audiences is incredibly difficult and it's been debated so many times and it's partly because there's no easy way for people to do it. So if you put your podcast on youtube as a video, people will comment, they'll watch, they'll kind of you can do live stuff and they'll chat underneath and stuff.
Chris:It's very easy to respond audio podcast. There is no way of doing that. Some people have like you can text in or you can do a voice note from the website. There are things, but it's it's incredibly difficult to get people to respond to stuff. So that is a well-known fact. So if nobody responds and I know it's not because people don't want to, it's just that it's hard to respond to episodes and that's just how the podcasting world is. But yeah, I'd encourage you if you're interested and if we even get one person that responds, then I will commit to putting something out. While we're away there, either have an amazing time and not stop to record much and forget, or completely crash and then eventually, after three weeks being away, you'll get a very depressing episode from us about what's happening, but I honestly think it will search for the hope very easy.
Chris:We're staying with somebody, we're in someone's home. It's not difficult for us to sit out the back and just record a few things. It's not like we're stuck in a you know, an airbnb or somewhere we don't know what the atmosphere is going to be like.
Claire:It doesn't need to be an hour episode does it.
Chris:It could just be 15 minutes of a catch-up Brits abroad.
Claire:The Silent Y. I like this. This has just come to me the Silent Y Down Under.
Chris:We like to go deep, don't we? We do, and now we're going deep down under. Does that sound a bit.
Claire:Creepy.
Chris:A bit creepy, a bit wrong it might do the silent y on tour, the silent y down under? Yeah, we'll have to work on it, okay. Oh, I like. Yeah, down under is always good, isn't it? Is it now? I said it sounds weird, but that is how we refer to australia. Is the way I'm sitting no, not picturing it, just it sounded a bit rude and then it just sounded weird when I said it out loud we'll work on it, yeah so form on the show notes, put some notes in there.
Claire:Yeah, because so we like to be intentional about our chats, so we could, we could, we could consider and think about and talk about any aspects of processing yeah, I mean, tell us what you'll know.
Chris:Do you want to know what it's like? Just like you know, I'm fascinated by what foods do they eat over there? What do the supermarkets look like? What are the differences? One of the things we went to america that stuck with me, it was one of the biggest things that I was like oh my word, we found a bottle of like I think it's ibuprofen or paracetamol in one of the supermarkets, or something that had a thousand tablets in it and you could just buy this thing off the shelf. That might seem a very normal thing for americans, I don't know, but for me I was. Just like you know, we can get a maximum of, is it 30?
Claire:yeah, a small box with sort of sachets.
Chris:I think you can get two, lots of 16 but that's the maximum you can buy in one go, and then you'd have to go back again and again and again. If you're sneakily trying to get more. Um, but we are very restricted on stuff like that. You certainly won't be able to buy something that size. Things like that little things that just fascinate you about different countries um, I do love watching americans and it is mostly americans I watch on instagram walking around british supermarkets pointing out all the stuff that's super weird stuff like that. I don't know. It might be you want to see the trivial side of life. It might be you actually want to hear what we're going through. It might be you just want to hear descriptions of what we're seeing, and you know we're very wildlife people. That doesn't make sense, is it?
Claire:we're wildlife people. We do like the wildlife we like it.
Chris:So a lot of what we're going to be hunting for is just the different animals and insects and things you can see out there and I don't know, maybe that's something that interests people. I don't know, it could be anything I'm already.
Claire:I'm already thinking. Can I use this form without you knowing it's me and say that I'm looking forward to hearing a graveyard musing in australia that would be cool with australian names on the gravestones. Yeah, we did one in wales and the names were very welsh. We did one in belgium belgium and the names were very different, so I wonder whether like going to aust Australia. I can't think of it. What's a?
Chris:stereotypical Australian name like Bonza. I can't even think of any. Wow, no stereotypical Australian names.
Claire:That's coming to mind.
Chris:The Australians will be shouting them at the podcast. They must have the equivalent of R Smith.
Claire:I'm just thinking of characters from Neighbours and Home and Away circa 1995 now when I used to watch it, alf Madge.
Chris:I don't know if Alf is a.
Claire:That was Home and Away, wasn't it?
Chris:If we do the Graveyard Music and they're all called Alf, then we'll know.
Claire:Yeah, charlene, and Scott and Charlene.
Chris:Please don't list all of the people you remember from Aussie soaps.
Claire:Very famous, wasn't it? Scott and Charlene?
Chris:Yeah, but they're normal names. They're not Australian names.
Claire:Okay, well, still, if I find a gravestone with Scott and Charlene on it, you're going to be eating your words.
Chris:Well, I think there's a high chance you might they're pretty normal names across the whole world.
Claire:Okay, so, so, yeah, a graveyard museum, that could be really interesting.
Chris:Yeah, in australia it could be anything at all. Maybe we can find some aussies to interview. I'd be brave yeah getting a couple of accents on. I don't want a couple I love an accent, I don't know. Anyway, it could look like anything.
Claire:So yes, please let us know in the form I'm pointing to the link yeah, it doesn't work when there's no video cameras filming. Does it pointing down? That's where the link yeah it doesn't work when there's no video cameras filming, does it? Pointing down? That's where the link is.
Chris:That's where the link is Down under Idiot.
Claire:Idiot, and so literally the next time you're hearing from us could be is that right In Australia?
Chris:yeah, Right. I know it's frightening.
Claire:So the things you're not looking forward to. I can share this without your consent that the flight length. You're not sure how you'll get on with a long flight to. Heathrow to Singapore, to Changi in Singapore. What about 14 hours flight?
Chris:Yeah, I think only because when we flew to America I had that blood pressure drop and I had to have the oxygen at the back of the plane and it's all very cramped back there when you're not feeling very well. So I think that's just made me a little bit like I really don't want to go through anything like that again and you've got a real issue.
Claire:I don't know why, with tiny airplane toilets, I do not like shutting that door I have to summon.
Chris:I don't like saying I'm claustrophobic. I don't like saying I'm anything. I don't like labeling myself with something that gives me a fear I then have to have because I'm. I'm pretty convinced you can get over any fear you want to, even though I haven't conquered all mine. But being shut in small spaces is not my favorite thing in the world, and when I go into that toilet I just want to leave the door unlocked, but you can't, because that's what triggers the light. Obviously you'd be outside stopping people coming in.
Chris:Yeah, but, you have to lock it for the light to come on. And when I shut that door and lock it, all I can think about is the fact that I'm just miles up in the air and if anything happens now, I'm in the smallest box. Like I'd rather the plane went down when I was in my seat than be shut in the toilet would you prefer having a seat belt on the toilet? No, I don't want to be trapped in there, I just want to be in and out as quick as possible.
Claire:I just don't like locking the door so I know you're not looking forward to that.
Chris:I know you're not looking forward to the humidity of Singapore, not looking forward to I think I'm just like they're the things that would be I'll have to work with a little there'll be a challenge.
Claire:You're not great with physical discomfort, so the idea of sweating.
Chris:I'm not good with being really sweaty. That's why I exercise.
Claire:We've been having a day off work. Today, we've been out looking for linen shirts, because you're convinced that a piece of linen is going to stop you from sweating not stop you.
Chris:No, it dries quicker and it's cool okay, rather than cotton oh no, and cotton, linen and cotton oh, just I think, because linen seems to be one of the best ones, but from what I can work out, it's also one of the most expensive.
Claire:So so that's something that we know is going to be a bit of a challenge. Yeah, uh, do I think?
Chris:overall, I just I don't like feeling unwell and that has been a theme of my life for the last 10 years. And so feeling unwell at home is one thing, because you know you can control your environment, so that and I I honestly thought I'd be feeling great by now and I wouldn't have to think about this stuff. But the closer I get, the more I just think, what if it's really difficult and I don't feel well for a various amount of reasons and I'm in a place where it's really hot and humid? I know you're in air cons it's not the end of the world, but even air con isn't the most natural environment for people who aren't used to it.
Chris:What if I'm in someone else's house and you're not feeling good? You know all that kind of stuff when we're on a plane. It's those sorts of things that wouldn't actually normally ever bother me. I was never someone that was bothered by any of that stuff before. So that's the frustrating thing, and I might not be bothered by it at all by the time it arrives. It really depends what my hormones are up to. But yeah, what about you? You must have something. That would be a challenge for you doing something like that. I know you have like no fears.
Claire:I do have fears.
Chris:Only like dark water. I do have fears. Only like dark water.
Claire:I mean, there's well, no, there's already a thought. I know this is ridiculous because millions of people live in Australia, but the thought of massive spiders and Okay, I think we're on the wrong side of Australia for that. Okay, snakes, maybe Things in the sea Like. I'm not a huge sea swimmer, but if the sea's nice to go in, then I'm happy to go in the sea. But there it's like there's sharks and things, so I'll be a little bit nervous about the wildlife.
Chris:I'd rather have a close experience with a shark than feel unwell on holiday. But you can't see it.
Claire:So anything that I'm feeling a little bit nervous about, not really. I do get excited far more in advance than you do. You get excited at the time. You don't really do build-up.
Chris:I do a lot more build-up, mine will start to arrive when we've checked our suitcases in and when we get on the plane and it feels like it's happening, it's like yes, and halfway through the flight it will dip a bit because I'm getting a bit bored of being shot in a capsule, and then I'll get more excited again when we arrive.
Chris:then I'll probably feel a bit jet, lagged and tired and feel a bit rubbish and worry that I'm going to get ill. Then I'll have a good night's sleep and feel better and then hopefully I'll just be excited about holiday.
Claire:It's a very simple process I think that what and we've spoken about this before in our podcast chats about managing my expectations.
Claire:I think the only thing that could trip me up is my expectations. But I can't see it's been different with me in the past. If we go away for, let's say, 10 days and then we spend what is a lot of money to fly away somewhere in a hotel, got 10 days there wanting some warmth and sunshine, usually because we're familiar here with years being a bit grey and damp and not particularly hot. So having an opportunity to get away in the sunshine the two of us is a real privilege and we choose very carefully. I spend a lot of time I can be a bit too obsessive about researching where we're going, where we're staying, trying to find the very best possible accommodation for our money, all that sort of itinerary and then we get there and I've put all this effort and work in and it's just like grey and cloudy or it rains and cloudy or it rains. That that has hit me in the past and I've been quite bad company for 24, 48 hours while I come out of my sort of crash.
Chris:That this is not why I expect that's when we had that really sad episode where I told you that I should be enough to enjoy a holiday and you were. You replied with but you're not yep, I didn't mean.
Claire:I didn't mean that in an unloving way.
Chris:I totally understood what you meant. At the time.
Claire:I was like I know, but yeah, it was just the weather and everything was bad it's wonderful, but I want to be with you in under a blue sky and with sun on our skin and just thinking this is, this is going really well, um, and it's. It still makes me say, yes, can be with you, but if it's raining and we're abroad and it's just oh. So I have had some questionable holidays more recently where I've just set my expectations really low. But you might say that's just a bit negative, that's a bit depressing, that's a bit pessimistic. But then I've thought actually it has been quite effective that I've come away thinking, well, I didn't go with massive expectations of achieving this and that and seeing this and that and feeling this and that. So to bring that up to a trip like Singapore and Australia, then I could run away with oh, I want to go to New Zealand, I want to go to here.
Chris:I want to go to Olaru.
Claire:I want to go and see the East Coast. I want to see the Garak Barrier Reef. I want to go to here, I want to go to Olaru. I want to go and see the east coast, I want to see the Garek Barrier Reef. I want to go and see Sydney and the Opera House and the west coast and I want to travel and see koalas and kangaroos and I do want to see ocean life and to relax and be wonderful and read and enjoy myself and come away feeling rest, all that sort of stuff. I'm like no, no, that's just ridiculous. Peel all that away. So we have been managing our expectations, I think, quite accordingly, so I can't see how it can go wrong. So, in summary, I think the only thing that could trip myself up is myself yeah, I think when we first started looking at this I remember I jumped online.
Chris:I was like, oh my word, this could be our opportunity. Because I've always wanted to do the circumference of the earth in a trip, I thought this could be it. Like we're going so far around, we could do like a few countries on the way to australia, then we could do new zealand, then we could get ourselves over to like hawaii, back to la, do a bit of america, maybe a bit of canada, come back. The flights are actually cheaper if you do around the world thing. And I started looking to all this stuff and you very quickly realize that a eight weeks is not that long if you want to do that much stuff. You'd be rushing around from here to there and also it just gets stupid expensive. And then I had to really just admit we don't have the. I don't think we've got the energy or the mental space right now to do that.
Chris:I think maybe one day we will still um, but we haven't done anything like this when we were younger. We didn't go traveling like a lot of people did after uni or anything like that. It's the first time we've done it. So I think that's why we sort of jumped initially to like, oh well, people who go traveling, they do all these countries and we know people have done that it's like an amazing thing. But they also did it when they were like 21 and that is a very different energy level and a different time in life, and so I think we've had to scale down. Yeah, let's be realistic about who we are and what we want from this, and I would like to come back feeling like something in me has changed and is different and is better because of this trip. That would be my priority over coming back and having seen a hundred different amazing things.
Chris:But it was shattering and tiring and now I need a break, almost because it's been so much moving around and we didn't get to sit and actually enjoy any one place because we were moving around so much. And so, yeah, I think we've scaled it back and I think that's good and I just really want to experience life in Australia just like almost living somewhere for a bit. We've never done that. This is the closest we're going to ever get to feeling like we're living abroad for a little bit, and I think that could be really exciting and will give us a hint for future life of like well, do we want to do this more often, like longer holidays, or do we want to go and try another country for a while? I don't know, it could open doors to anything. So I think it's a great base layer because absolute worst case scenario, we're sat in Perth for eight weeks. That doesn't sound too bad.
Claire:That sounds pretty amazing.
Chris:Exactly so. If our base layer is that amazing in theory, like you said, it can only get better from here, Unless.
Claire:Perth has its coldest and wettest spring and start of summer. On record that coincides with our arrival.
Chris:I don't think even we could break the Australian weather.
Claire:No famous last words. It's a bit like a retreat. It's an adventure for us, but be careful with your understanding of adventure, because it means something different for everybody else. It's a retreat of sorts. It's a time away. It's going to be a whole new experience.
Chris:I'm excited I'm starting to get there now. It's just weird that it just it was such a thing on the horizon for so long to think that now we're going. I can't work out if it's just like, if it's exciting, daunting, amazing. It's just a mix of everything and I don't really think I'm going to fully clock what this is actually is until I'm about four weeks into it, thinking I'm only halfway. Yeah, this is amazing because I think it's just going to feel like another holiday long haul, yes, but we've done that before for like three weeks, so I think what? Past the three week mark, it's going to feel like, oh, my world, we've still got like loads of time left, and that's. That is very exciting and we have got some lovely things planned. We do want to do like a trip up the western coast of australia and there's lots of wildlifey things and kangaroos and penguins and quokkas and dolphins, all that kind of stuff waiting for us, so that's very exciting and nature's amazing.
Claire:I'm excited to see what we were told about a few days ago when we spoke to dave and trace on the phone bin chickens bin chickens, who knew they were a thing.
Chris:There was another one. Oh fairy penguins.
Claire:We didn't know they had penguins there something, something, chuck Bush, chuck Bush chucks Yep Bin chickens I know, it's a whole new world. Which are a sort of are they a white ibis?
Chris:But they literally scavenge in bins. Yeah, like a long black beak.
Claire:Call them bin chickens and bush chucks.
Chris:And we're very keen if we can see one, because they are native to that part of frog mouth yes, it's a very strange looking.
Claire:Is it called a tawny? It's not an owl though. No, it's not. It's not an owl. It looks like it's called a tawny frog crossed with a bird yeah, it does look like a funny looking thing.
Chris:I think I saw one once in one of the birds of prey center things, but never in the wild yeah and I've got a horrible feeling they're nocturnal, so it might be a tricky one, but I do want to try and find a frog mouth oh yeah, I won't be surprised if they're nocturnal.
Claire:I don't think you're going to see one unless we go to some sort of wildlife park.
Chris:It's going to involve some night walks.
Claire:Yeah.
Chris:So yeah, that's our plan. So don't forget, the link is in the show notes. I'm going to put it right at the top with loads of big arrows pointing to it. So yeah, I'm just I'm. A lot of our feedback is that you know, people love the loss episodes and everything else we're doing, because you know if you're here, you're here because you understand loss and grief is hard and you're looking for help to get through it or you're interested in how others are getting through it. But we get a lot of feedback that people like the episodes of just the two of us chatting just as much, and I think that's because you get to know us a lot more yeah, so interaction would be lovely, if there's questions about where we are, what we're experiencing, that we can come in and make part of our conversation while we're away you could email or message us.
Chris:I'll still get those. So if you've got anything you want us to talk about or any questions you want to answer, please get in touch, because it's lovely to answer things and do things from listeners yeah, we'd love to involve you in that.
Claire:I have thought, actually this is a horrible thought to have at this point now, because we're using these new little clip-on microphones for the first time. There's no way to really check if we are recording correctly. Can you imagine, if I think? Yeah, I've been monitoring, you've got a red light on yours, so I think that's the key.
Chris:You've got a red one on yours, so I think that's okay okay but could you imagine if? Oh, one of us wasn't felt half an hour and then it wasn't recording. Well, that's all part of it. It'll be fine. It'll be fine.
Claire:So we haven't said this for a while, but, as with all of our episodes, please rate them, please review them. Whatever the platform is, you're listening to them. If it gives you the option to put a star rating or to write a review, please do it. Do it now. Do star rating or to write a review, please do it. Do it now. Do it as soon as you've pressed. Stop on this, because it makes a big difference for the algorithms of the podcast platforms. It will bring our podcast before the eyes of other people and we're really keen to do that and spread our message about finding hope in all types of loss.
Chris:So, writers and reviewers, as we said, we've got up to 65,. I want to say I'm just on my phone now I'm going to check while I'm talking, so just bear with. Here we are 65,. Yes, hannah Rumsey was 65 about loss of a friend. If you haven't heard that, check that out. It's a really lovely episode. So we're up to 65. There won't be any more this year. The next time we will put an episode out will be we usually do a christmas chatty catch-up, don't we?
Chris:so if we can, I will try and get that in at the end of december, once we're back yeah with a chatty catch-up between the two of us and then normal episodes and lost episodes and blogs and all that kind of stuff will resume in the new year so more of us, certainly around christmas, hopefully before then, as we record a bit of our journey down under the silent y down under my stomach's just making noises. Does the microphone pick that? Up, we will find out we've got so much to learn the vibrations so much to learn.
Claire:This might even work, as we're walking around, as we're sweating. Yes, around the streets of singapore.
Chris:We could record these little square microphones have got those little fuzzy hats that we can use outdoors.
Claire:I mean that's mostly for the wind, but also, yeah, if there's wind, noise not just from your stomach.
Chris:Your wind, I think it'll still pick it up. Yeah, they're fun to wear. We could walk and talk.
Claire:We could sit and talk. I'm not going to do one on the plane because there's a lot of background noise on the plane, isn't it?
Chris:oh, it's really loud. It can be really loud. Yeah, I mean we could try a bit of audio and see what happens.
Claire:It's a long flight, we'll be a bit bored yeah, so we have our person next to us, will be thinking but we could interview them.
Chris:They'll be trapped in the window seat. We can just. Yeah, I'm sure they'll want to focus their flight on permanent loss and grief.
Claire:That's just what they want to entertain them 14 hours on a plane where they can't escape from us. Yeah, we've got a battery powered mics. I think that's it for now. This is going to be interesting. The followers on social media oh, actually, that's a. I don't want to carry on talking very much, but I'm going to have to agree with you a plan for social media use while we're away, because this is one thing, but you know, do you have to?
Chris:update social media platforms, I think yeah, for those of you who wait until you see me post on social media to say there's another episode out, I think you just have to know that's probably not going to happen. I will put a social media post out before we go, basically saying we're going to be putting episodes out, but I won't be putting social media posts out to tell you that they're they're going out. So I think that's a commitment too far.
Chris:I'm going to spend age on a computer if I do that and you know writing it and then posting it across all of them, so I think you'll just need to. You can literally set a notification on pretty much all podcast players and you get pinged when a new episode comes out. It's not difficult to be updated on podcast episodes for podcasts that you want to know about, so there's ways of doing that. But yeah, I won't be putting out stuff. What I might do is put the occasional thing on our like on the instagram story. If I see something that's fun, I might post something on that.
Chris:But um unlikely to do too many posts, but always follow us on social media. It is a fairly fun place to be yes, fairly fun. I mean it's about loss, but I try and make it interesting yeah, certainly so.
Claire:For all the regular content, just search for the Silent Y Pod on your social media platforms.
Chris:Yeah, and obviously Herman's will be on hiatus while we're away, so I won't be selling any of those, but I will be taking a Herman with me for sure. And yeah, I will probably be posting photos of Herman in Australia, but that will be on the Herman account.
Claire:So if you want to follow Herman, in Australia.
Chris:you need to follow at the Herman Company on Instagram. He's only on Instagram and I will try and post some stuff on there as well.
Claire:Great, we can waffle, can't we?
Chris:We can. And the other thing is normally when we're recording, we have a rough idea how long we've been talking for, but these do not tell us.
Claire:It's about 14 minutes.
Chris:I think it'd be near like three hours.
Claire:No it's about 40 minutes 40 minutes yeah it's been a little while that's a long while. Just to say basically we're going on holiday and that's my gut feeling and I'm not great with so it's probably about an hour and a half, yeah that's true, okay thank you for listening. Yeah, joining us in a different room of our house for change. Let's hope these microphones are.
Chris:G'day. Can you say that as a goodbye?
Claire:I don't think you can say that at the end of a conversation.
Chris:I thought you could say it at the beginning and end.
Claire:No, what do they say to say goodbye, you flaming galah, I don't know. Goodbye, don't ever, don't ever try and do an Australian accent.
Chris:I won't do that in Australia.
Claire:Goodness me, yeah. Raters review podcast. Follow us on social media. Thank you for listening.
Chris:Do I just press, stop record.
