Loss in Ted Lasso: A sports comedy observed

I love the comedy-drama Ted Lasso and so it was always going to be next on my list of TV programmes to explore on the podcast. Specifically around how the programme approaches loss and grief in Season 1.

Welcome to The Silent Why, a podcast exploring every type of loss and grief and all the places we find them.

I'm Claire Sandys and every now and then, among our regular episodes looking for 101 types of loss, I've decided to share another love of mine - commentating on fictional storytelling. And to remain on theme I'm going to explore specific programmes, books or stories that handle grief or loss in a particularly good (or maybe even bad!) way.

The programme I'm dissecting today is a comedy-drama that launched in 2020 - Ted Lasso (Apple TV+). 

SPOILER ALERT: This episode does contain spoilers from 5:40 onwards, basically after my husband's impromptu piano rendition of the theme tune (which is always worth hearing!)

So join me as I take a closer look at the themes of grief and loss in these episodes and how the writers and producers handled a subject very close to my heart (and my podcast).

Oh and it's impossible to do this review without swear words in the quotes (you'll see why, courtesy of one character in particular), but don't worry, I beeped them out, just be aware if little/sensitive ears are nearby.

Watch the Ted Lasso Season 1 trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3u7EIiohs6U

Ted Lasso Season 2 trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=reP1gVGpFKo

Watch Ted Lasso on Apple TV+ or look into a free trial here: https://apple.co/_TedLasso 

More trailer links: https://www.apple.com/uk/tv-pr/originals/ted-lasso/trailers-videos/

Transcript

Claire Sandys:  Welcome to The Silent Why podcast, and back to one of my TV and film episodes where I look at how loss and grief are handled through fictional characters, story telling, script writing, directing and screenplays.

I'm Claire Sandys, host of The Silent Why podcast (which is exploring 101 different types of loss) and a very keen (albeit yet to show many others) storyteller and fiction writer. One of my great admirations in life is writing that inspires and evokes emotion, I don’t mean the literary kind that wins awards and no one fully understands but won’t admit to, I mean books, scripts and stories that relay moments we can empathise with that make you laugh, cry, fume or sigh. Which is why high on my bucket list is sneaking into a writers room for a show or film I love and watching the magic happen. Dream big as they say - and being allowed to sit quietly in a room of people chatting - well, I don't think I'm exactly reaching for the moon on this one. Feels slightly more do-able than the next item on my list - ride a lion!

My last TV episode analysis was on the BBC sitcom Ghosts where I got super excited because one of the cast and writers listened to it and commented on Twitter - ‘This was wonderful. Thank YOU!’ (the you’s in capital letters) - a great moment - and I’m just waiting for my career to take off any day now. If you want to check out that episode search your podcast player or our podcast list on the website for: ‘Grief in Ghosts: A BBC sitcom observed’

This time, I’m picking up two consecutive episodes from a comedy-drama we discovered and immediately adored. It came out in 2020 and it’s called Ted Lasso.

Now, this is not an easy thing to just go out and watch for everyone because it’s on Apple TV (although I think it’s now called Apple TV plus, but I’m not sure if you’re supposed to say the addition sign on the end of it, Apple TV addition, who knows?!). But if you can find yourself a free trial it’s well worth bingeing it like we did. 

Now I’m not alone in appreciation for this program as its 8.8 rating on IMDB will testify, but I might be in the minority for my appreciation of how they handled loss.

Apple TV+ describes it like this: “Ted Lasso is a football coach leading a British soccer team. What he lacks in knowledge, he makes up for with optimism… and biscuits.”  

In a nutshell Ted Lasso is probably the closest man you’ll find to a care bear or winnie-the-pooh. He’s a glass half full, genuinely kind to his core, man who’s mouth just constantly spills words of encouragement, insight and humour, especially a deep love and reverence for a great pun. I suspect he’s made the life of Jason Sudeikis (the actor who plays Ted) a little more complicated because how could you meet Jason without hoping you’re meeting Ted! Anyway, he comes to London from America where he’s been coaching American college football, to manage a football (or soccer, as he calls it) team in England, knowing nothing about the game. He brings with him Coach Beard who helps fill in the gaps. It’s a comedy drama with great scripts, great music, and characters that make you want to dump all your own friends and join the cast instead. 

And as it's focused around sport - an area of life literally defined by wins and losses - loss, or avoiding it, is at the heart already. But alongside that are characters and relationships facing their own personal loves and losses and that makes it pretty special. 

I’ll put a link to the trailer in the show notes for if you want to get a feel for it before we go any further.

Last time I analysed a TV episode I went through it scene by scene but as I’m doing two episodes this time I’m not going to do that level of detail, however, I do need to describe the scenes to give those new to it a feel for what’s happening. 

Another thing you also need to know is that I'm not a football fan. Not by any means. Briefly was in my teens, scribbling Crystal Palace eagles on my exercise books (that's my dad's team), and queuing round the block all night for play-off tickets to watch Ipswich at Wembley (who my boyfriend at the time supported), and when I was in hospital once I got a signed photo from Ian Wright (which I ruined by going over the signature with a biro because his pen had stopped working part way through his name) but on the whole it's not for me - noisy sport that generally ruins decent conversations in my view. The reason I’m telling you that is because it speaks into how good this program must be for me to like it when it’s based around a sport I don't watch - well, it's based around amazing characters, friendships and relationships but they all happen in a football club - AFC Richmond - a fictional football club based in London, ironically, filmed partly at Selhurst Park, where our family football team Crystal Palace play. 

So, this is about as far as I can go before I have to give a spoiler alert. From this point on  this episode will be littered with spoilers for these episodes and the program as a whole. So if you ever intend on watching this program or episodes and you’d rather not know what happens, go away, watch it all, and then return (this would be me). It’s well worth it. But if you’ve already seen it or you’re not fussed, or you’re never going to watch it, then come with me, because I will definitely make this accessible to anyone listening, you don’t have to have seen the program to appreciate this script writing and directing.

For those who heard the last TV episode I did on Ghosts you’ll have noticed a bit of piano playing, well that was the theme tune for the show and to get us into it again I've coaxed my reluctantly musical husband into hearing the theme tune and playing it for me by ear on the piano again. And if I announce this will always be how I start these episodes now, he'll have to help me next time as well. And I still occasionally listen to his rendition of the ghosts tune he did just to make me smile because I used the ones with the mistakes in - which as a perfectionist just kills him a little inside. 

So come with me as I walk you through what I love about how the writers, producers and directors handled loss in Ted Lasso Series 1 Episodes 9 and 10. Or as I like to refer to it - Loss in Lasso. 

THEME TUNE PLAYED ON PIANO

So a quick rundown of the main characters for you newbs:

Ted Lasso - Our coach over from America, has a unique way with words and a thick accent which I think is Southern. His approach to life is described online as ‘folksy optimism’. He is ‘kindness’ personified and has a very accurate insight into how to connect with people. We learn as the episodes unfold that he’s left a wife and son in America because of marital issues, which end in a divorce during the program and a lot of video chats with his young son. His character is beautifully put together, containing bundles of belief in the good in people and life, and he illustrates that with a sign taped above his office in the locker room that just says 'Believe'. But, he also has his own problems to navigate, including panic attacks after his divorce, which make him even more loveable somehow and more importantly, relatable. Plus, he makes amazing biscuits and hates tea.

Coach Beard - Lasso's longtime assistant and friend who comes with him from America. Coach Beard is weird, and wonderful and just ‘gets’ Ted in a way only a true friend can, and their tight bond is evident from the first scene we see them in.

Rebecca Welton - The new owner of AFC Richmond after her husband who had it before her cheated on her multiple times and it went through the press. She initially hires Lasso to sabotage the team and get back at her husband, but he quickly wins her over and does better than she expects. She has a killer wardrobe, a great singing voice and is the female I want beside me in my career. 

Leslie Higgins - He’s the Director of Football Operations, assistant to Rebecca; family man with a wife and five children. Named after his mother he says - ‘I'm what's known as a feminine junior’. Very fun, great facial expressions, bonds with Ted very quickly and just an all round top bloke as we say over here!

Jamie Tartt - A very skilled and successful young striker on the team, with a massive ego and huge amounts of misplaced confidence. The journey this character goes on through the two series is beautifully handled and you won’t help but go from loath to love. He also comes with a rather irritating earworm that the crowd chant - ‘Jamie Tartt, do do do do do do do, Jamie Tartt’. 

Roy Kent -  Often known by his full name, Roy Kent. Roy Kent’s the veteran midfielder and captain when we first meet him, very angry, very hot headed, very foul mouthed, very direct and VERY likeable. This character has depth and his straight-forward, no nonsense manner endeared him to us straight away. As well as his deep voice and unrivalled black eyebrows. Comes with another ear worm from his fans - ‘He’s here, he’s there, he’s every f**king where, Roy Kent, Roy Kent..’

Nathan Shelley - The football team kit man when we meet him. His journey moves from ignored and overlooked to overly entitled, and is a cautionary tale of rags to riches through a career. 

Keeley Jones - A model who dates Jamie Tartt at the beginning and is dating Roy Kent for most of the rest of the program, she becomes the club's manager of marketing and public relations. An incredibly loveable, hard working, driven girl who all with her gold hoop, animal print, high ponytail style fashion choices, is a wise old owl at heart, and the perfect other half to Roy Kent.

Then there’s also a sport psychologist in Season 2 and the rest of the football team - which all add the final touches to bring together this engaging, talented, cast.

Now there were a few episodes I could have chosen to look at about how loss and grief are handled, for example, an obvious one might have been; 

Season 2, Episode 10 (No Weddings and a Funeral) - the funeral of Rebecca’s father, in which most of the cast have a reaction to being faced with this death. And there were some great scenes, but for me it didn’t quite hit the mark as much as their handling of some of the other losses they’ve dealt with. Somehow the beautifully handled scenes of Ted and the sport psychologist around his panic attacks in this episode were just a bit too far removed from some of the girly loudness on the other side of the cast and the two areas didn’t quite marry for me as I’d have hoped to create the emotions I’d expect. Bit more of a discord than a harmony, which some people prefer of course, but I wasn’t feeling it in the same way as the other episodes I’ve chosen. 

Season 2, Episode 9 - ‘Beard After Hours’ is a weird diversion from the plot but has its moments on dealing with loss and offers an insight into Coach Beard’s weird and wonderful inner world, I suspect it means more to you if you’ve seen what it pays homage to - Martin Scorsese’s 1985 cult classic After Hours - which I haven’t. 

So the two episodes I’ve decided to focus on are from Series 1, consecutive episodes, starting with Episode 9 (All Apologies).

The overview of this episode is that Ted Lasso has initially refused to put Roy Kent (the granddad of the team, as Jamie Tartt calls him) on the bench - despite the fact he’s slowing down and the other coaches think it’s time he’s benched. And Rebecca (owner of the club) finally owns up and tells Lasso how she’s been trying to sabotage him since he arrived, despite the fact he thinks they’re great friends - I mean they’re literally on the same team so it was a safe assumption. So there’s conflict among the leadership of the team because Lasso doesn’t believe results are the main thing that should drive decisions and Coach Beard is trying to show him that to the players - results are everything.

The episode starts with a scene after a bad match for Roy Kent. Kent’s in a wheelie bin full of water and floating ice cubes watching the commentary of the match (which includes a slide that says ‘there once was an old man named Kent…’), regularly submerging himself with a low growl of annoyance. Ted opens the door, flicks on the light and comes in to sit next to the bin asking if someone ordered a ‘Roy on the rocks?’ Roy expects to be read the riot act for losing them the game but Ted points out he doesn’t need to do that as Roy is beating himself up enough as it is and he should go easy on himself. Ted leaves with a parting comment that he’s got his back and then says - “Look at you in there, looking like a brunette Oscar the Grouch.” A comment I particularly chuckled at - it helps to see the visual. And I took great delight this week when Brett Goldstein (the actor that plays Roy) posted a video of himself on Sesame Street - where he’s in a scene with the original Oscar the Grouch! Brilliant.

Anyway, this is the backdrop for the main tussle here - Roy is heading towards retirement from a career that’s been his life - Ted refuses to bench him in a classic Ted approach - of people matter. My interest was already peaked with this - how are they going to handle the loss of a career? Especially when the person we’re talking about is prone to outbursts of extreme anger and expletives,  and seemingly has built his whole life around the sport. 

Alongside it we have Keeley and Rebecca in conflict because Keeley knows Rebecca was trying to sabotage Ted and she’s trying to tell Rebecca that she needs to come clean to Ted and there’s a lovely line where Rebecca says: ‘What would be the point of telling Ted now? It doesn’t change anything.’ and Keeley comes back with the response: ‘It would change how I feel about you.’ And right there we have another loss on the cards - friendship - and Rebecca realises it and we see her starting to fully understand all the bad stuff she’s done to some very good, well meaning people around her. 

We also have the Richmond team facing loss in their matches and Ted having to answer about this to the press, where he defends and supports them. And Higgins, Rebecca’s lovely loyal assistant, has finally quit because of her determination to ruin the club and not wanting to be part of it. So we’ve got a huge loss there because everyone loves Higgins, and again this adds to Rebecca’s list of people she’s hurt. 

Coach Beard and Nathan eventually sit Ted down and tell him that Roy has to come out of the starting line up, but Ted refuses to bench him, saying he wants them to know he ‘values their opinions, even if they’re wrong.’ And Rebecca attempts to tell Ted what she's done but finds she can’t do it - generally fearful of losing face, and lacking in the confidence to ‘tidy up her mess’. But after a failed attempt to tell him, talking about dictionaries instead, we see her after he’s left trying to get it together in her office, and suddenly her ex-husband waltzes in and announces he’s about to have a baby with his new much-younger girlfriend, despite having told Rebecca when they were together he never wanted kids. And in the final straw of pain for Rebecca and a very hurtful exchange he infers it wasn’t that he didn’t want kids, so much as he didn’t want them with her. 

This is where you really get to experience the depth of these characters because just as moments before we’re wanting Rebecca to be exposed for what she’s done to Ted, we watch the pain of what she’s facing with her horrible ex and her divorce and we find ourselves rooting for her to do the right thing because we know it’s how she will start to heal. And because she needs these guys around her for support as well. As her husband leaves and she stands in her office with tears in her eyes, background music starts up and we watch her slowly walk (kind of float really) from her office, downstairs, through the locker room (full of naked players getting changed, which she doesn’t notice), and straight into Ted's office where she slowly confesses everything, calling herself some very strong words more worthy of Roy Kent. She’s honest about what the loss of her husband has driven her to do - realising she's hurt good people and done despicable things. She also confesses to approving the transfer of Jamie Tartt to another team behind Ted’s back - another loss they're all facing. And there’s a beat where we are waiting to see what Ted will do in response, and you can see the hurt and surprise on his face, but in classic Ted style he doesn’t disappoint and forgives her, telling her he knows how hard divorce is and that drives people to do ‘crazy things’. It’s a beautiful example of empathy, friendship and boss/coach relations that we all wished actually existed, especially when they hug it out next - something we were all missing during Covid. Then Ted says into her shoulder: “You know I think that if you care about someone and you’ve got a little love in your heart, there ain’t nothing you can’t get through together.”

At the same time the coaches aren’t talking to Ted because of his decisions about Roy, which is why I love the dynamics of these episodes - it’s never all great, and it’s never all bad, it’s a perfect dance of the two. Conflict and resolution. Condemnation and redemption.

Halfway through the episode we find Rebecca, buoyed by her honesty with Ted, going to Higgin’s house to try and make amends with her assistant too. She finds him at home playing a double bass with a tiny beard he’s grown. It’s a great scene as Higgins waits to hear what Rebecca has to say. Rebecca comments on the small beard and Higgins says it makes him look how he feels - ‘chill’. When Rebecca asks what Mrs Higgins thinks of it, he says with a very straight face - ‘She hates it with a white hot intensity', and then they laugh and as the tension breaks we know he's thrown her a bone and an ‘in’. Rebecca takes it, she comes clean and apologies for treating him so badly and making him an accomplice in her schemes. She’s honest about losing her way for a bit and he graciously accepts all she says and compliments her on how this new approach suits her.

Alongside this we have Roy Kent and Ted in a conversation sat in the empty football stand - Ted is attempting to talk to Roy about the starting line up for the next match and we wonder if he’s going to bench him, but before they chat about that Roy loses it assuming he’s being benched, and is hurt because Ted said he had his back, so before we hear anything from Ted on it, Roy storms off in a haze of F words. Later over a pint, Coach Beard flips out when Ted says he still wants to start Roy at the match. Beard tells Ted it’s ok to care about results, because relegation is a huge deal and he doesn’t agree with picking a player’s feelings over a coach’s duty to make a point, claiming he also doesn’t want to drink with someone that selfish, he leaves. And just as some relationships mend, others are torn further apart. 

Then we see Keeley’s immense wisdom coming out in a cracking scene with her and Roy Kent and Roy’s niece, Phoebe. Keeley knows the end of Roy’s career is coming and when he starts to broach the subject while looking out of the window, she jumps at the opportunity for this conversation, getting them comfy on the sofa with fluffy cushions. 

Then Roy, in his manly gruff voice, under thick set eyebrows that we all love, says:

‘Roy Kent’s been the best player on every team he’s been on since he was a kid. I like being Roy Kent. I don’t know if I can handle being some loser has-been called Roy.’ He goes on to say: ‘It’s not just a game to me, it’s all I’ve ever known, it’s who I am, it’s all I am.’

Keeley doesn't day anything but just calls over 6 year old Phoebe and says:

‘I need you to close your eyes for me, yeah? Ok. Can you describe your uncle Roy? Everything you can think of. Go!’

Phoebe says: ‘Well he’s my uncle, his beard is scratchy, he buys me ice cream, he swears a lot, he’s really funny and I love him.’

She turns to Roy. ‘See I didn’t hear anything about being a footballer.’

And he says - ‘Who gives a s**t about what she has to say, she’s six!’

Keeley points out it doesn’t matter what others think anyway, what matters is what Roy thinks about Roy. It’s a poignant scene handled with wisdom as they navigate a huge imminent loss. And not a loss everyone would understand - as Keeley says at the beginning - he plays a game for a living - and we’ve experienced this on the podcast, all losses need grieving, but sometimes we don’t feel we have the permission to grieve because it’s not a bereavement, or we don’t realise we’re allowed to grieve the end of jobs, careers, dreams or health etc. In this scene Keeley shows Roy that yes, it hurts, but there’s more to him than what he’s losing and it’s the start of his decision to begin to accept what’s coming towards him that he can’t control. And I love that in this scene she shows him, she doesn't just tell him - and that’s  great writing. 

Eventually we come to a conversation between Roy Kent and Ted in Ted’s kitchen. Full of fun banter and discussion that involves peanut butter, tea, Fresh Prince of Bel Air, and Mrs Shipley upstairs. But also the resignation that Roy’s career is coming to an end, and they consider announcing Roy Kent is injured if he doesn't start the match, which Roy agrees helps him if he’s to move clubs in the future rather than being benched, but ultimately it’s a big decision that Roy asks if he can think about - Ted tells him he’d think him a ‘big dummy poopoo face if he didn’t’.

Then we’re back in the changing rooms at the football ground and the players are all getting ready for a training session, but Roy is noticeably absent as they’re getting changed and Ted glances towards Roy’s cubby hole area with his name on it and we all wonder with him if he’ll turn up. He does arrive however, apologising for coming in late and some other stuff about his niece as he gets changed, and then asks if he can say something to everybody, and we all hold our breath and wait to see what's coming. Big retirement speech? Apology for being slow? As he stands, puts a blue bib over his football shirt and yells ‘Second team’s going to kick first team’s f**king arses today.’ And everyone smiles and cheers. Now, if you’re not into football you might be going 'what does that mean?' Basically, my take on it is, usually before a big match, when training, the first team would be made up of those that are on the starting line up of the team, so by Roy putting on the bib to suggest he’s in second team, and by announcing they’re going to win, we get two messages. Firstly, he’s making space for someone else on the first team by stepping back in the second team, maybe the beginning of the end, and secondly, he’s still as passionate as ever about playing, playing to win and motivating his team. This ends the episode and if you watch through the credits he’s also the last one to leave the locker room touching the ‘believe’ sign above Ted's door on the way out - symbolic because usually for a match the captain is the one that leads the players out onto the pitch first, but he heads out to training last. 

And so you see why I needed to do two episodes, because we move onto the next episode, 

Series 1 Episode 10 which is called - The Hope that Kills You.

The opening scenes of this episode are Nathan finding out he’s lost his job as kit boy and has been promoted to assistant coach, which is a happy moment with a dark undertone for me. What some might see as him getting the wrong end of the stick and being angry at first with his superiors (thinking he'd been sacked instead), is more than that. For people writing this cleverly and building characters this fully it was one of the first glimpses of a dark side to Nathan, a chip on his shoulder, an assumption of those around him, a defensiveness that plays out later in the series in a way that is really hard to watch. I’m not focusing on Nathan’s reactions to loss because they don’t come into these episodes as much but he handles things in a very different way, the exact opposite of Ted in fact and it adds another dimension of the variety of responses we can choose to personal loss and attack.

The next scene is Roy Kent telling Ted he has to pick a new captain for the team now and Ted telling Roy he won’t, passing the Captains armband back and forth between them. Ted insists Roy chooses a new one and until he does there is no captain. This concludes with Roy having the captain’s band lightly thrown onto his head before he leaves with the comment to Ted: ‘this is why it’s hard to love you’, which Coach Beard and Ted are ecstatic about because it implies they've finally won him over.

So this episode covers the preparations for a big game against Manchester City that will decide if Richmond get relegated or not. And Man City is the team that Jamie Tartt plays for, so they’re going up against someone that was on their side not long back. Jamie is less than polite about them in an interview beforehand, which results in one of the players, Isaac, throwing something at the TV so it smashes. Plus, it’s likely that if they lose and go down, Ted will probably get fired. Football is brutal. And loss costs jobs.

Then as Ted and Coach Beard are in the local pub, getting mocked by fans for their season’s performance the landlady uses a phrase for the first time that features as the title of this episode.

Ted says to the fans: ‘You act like we lost the game already, why don’t you have a little hope?’ 

‘Ah Ted,' the landlady replies,' ain’t you lived here long enough to realise - It’s the hope that kills ya.’

Ted is not impressed with this saying and gathers the coaches together to discuss tactics, telling Nathan he hates ties, it needs to be a win, he’s not relying on Crystal Palace and their result to dictate what happens to Richmond. (Richmond might be a made up team but the others aren't like Man City and Crystal Palace). Then Nathan comes out with the killer words - ‘it’s hopeless’. Ted freaks out and then reminds him of the yellow paper with blue writing on, that he has at home and in the locker room that reads ‘believe’ on it and he gets very angry and a bit disillusioned. 

'It’s the hope that kills you.' Now this is a phrase I’ve heard, but I didn’t realise that it’s quite a famous one in the football world, as you can imagine, when you host a podcast about finding hope in everything - I’m with Ted, I'm not a fan of the premise, but I do understand it and I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t experienced it, especially when you go through infertility and childlessness like we have. There comes a point when it feels dangerous to hope, to dream, to set your expectations high, because you know the feeling of them getting dashed, and that’s basically what it means; that sometimes it’s better not to hope you might win, because then your dreams don’t get dashed when you don’t. 

And there’s a whole blog post I could do on just that statement, but for now, you just need to know that this is what hangs over this whole episode - is it dangerous to hope for a win? What part can hope play in sport?

Before the game, knowing their chances are slim, Ted gets reinvigorated by something Rebecca says about doing things differently and playing to his advantage of not knowing much about football and the team come up with lots of trick plays which motivate the team towards the big match - doing things differently.

We’re also still seeing Jamie Tartt occasionally and there’s a scene where we see how hurt he is about Ted letting him go (even though Ted didn’t, Rebecca did), and we see him visit Keeley (his ex) where he bumps into his nemesis Roy in a hilarious interaction with Keeley in the middle. We also see Jamie take a stab at Roy about being on the bench (the first time we've seen him mocked for this) and Roy seemingly swallows it, making a joke of it afterwards, a sign he’s starting to accept the transition that’s coming his way perhaps. Though you never fully know with Roy Kent. We also see that he’ll be starting the match on the bench and has decided not to claim he’s injured, which feels true to his character really, Roy Kent doesn’t shy away from stuff that easily. 

The day of the big match - win and Richmond stay up, lose and they go down. It’s all about avoiding the loss - just like life in general. And once again the commentators remind us - ‘it’s the hope that kills you’. But after these words we flick to Rebecca and Keeley getting ready to watch the game in the stadium and we find them admitting they don’t really love football that much, but today, they really want them to do well, and we can see they have hope. And as Keeley looks down at Roy warming up on the pitch she says; ‘Today I care very much’. 

And at this point, even those of us that don’t really like this sport find ourselves desperate for them to win. Then we move from the noise and excitement of the stadium and the fans, to the locker room where we see Roy sit next to another player, Isaac, and he hands him his captain band with the words ‘Never stop breaking TVs’, before he taps him on the leg. A classy, minimalistic move that tells us who Roy’s chosen and why - he wants someone with fire, passion and drive, and he wants them to stay that way.

Then Ted calls them together for the pep talk (here's some of it):

‘So I've been hearing this phrase y'all got over here that I ain't too crazy about. "It's the hope that kills you… I disagree… I think it's the lack of hope that comes and gets you. See, I believe in hope. I believe in belief. Now, where I'm from, we got a saying too, yeah? A question, actually. ‘Do you believe in miracles?’ Now I don’t need y’all to answer that question for me, but I do want you to answer that question for yourselves. Right now. Do you believe in miracles? And if you do, then I want y’all to circle up with me right now. Come on. Let's go."

As they all put their arms in together Ted looks to the captain, Roy, but Roy nods towards Isaac as the new captain and Isaac starts the chant of ‘3, 2, 1 - Richmond’, but he starts the countdown from 12 and misses 8 but you can’t have everything in a captain.

Halfway through the episode we’re out on the pitch for the big match and Jamie’s blowing a kiss from the pitch to Roy who’s on the bench. Meanwhile Ted’s shouting encouragement to Jaime and Jamie thinks he’s just trying to mess with his head. Ted is still learning the offside rule, and they execute one of their trick plays which nearly leads to a Richmond goal just before half time but doesn’t, and the first half finishes nil-nil. 

During half-time the coaches are chatting tactics and then Ted suddenly says 'nevermind, I'm going with my gut', then he gets wound up when a player wants to check the Crystal Palace score reiterating to the team they are playing for a win, not a draw. Then he says 'Roy - you are starting the second half', and Isaac passes the captain’s armband back to Roy. 

On the pitch the commentators are surprised Roy Kent’s back because he’s ‘very slow’ and around 61 minutes Man City score and Richmond are down 1-0. Then Jamie is running for a goal for Man City and Roy appears chasing him down, he goes in with a tackle that brings them both to the floor and the crowd goes wild. But Roy doesn’t get up again and among the cheers we see Keeley’s face freeze as she realises he’s not getting up. Roy is rolling around and tells his teammates who have run over to see him,   that he’s bust his knee (with a few f words thrown in). And then comes 5 minutes of TV that I can’t watch without a tear blurring my vision. As Sam (one of his team mates) goes to help Roy to his feet, Sam stops and holds him down (which is a lovely throw back to a similar move that Roy did for him in another episode), and as he stays there for just a moment, Sam says to Roy ‘listen’, and we hear the crowd chanting; ‘He’s here, he’s there, he’s every f**king where, Roy Kent, Roy Kent’ over and over as it gets louder and louder, ‘He’s here, he’s there…’. And the camera moves towards Ted listening in awe, and then Jamie Tartt looking confused by the reaction, the fans in the stadium chanting and clapping and jumping up and down, the fans who can only watch from the pub chanting and clapping and jumping up and down, and the commentators say ‘Well, we apologise for the fruity language as the crowd serenades Roy Kent with a song that's echoed through the Premier League for more than a decade’. Then Roy is helped to his feet and he passes the captain’s armband to Isaac, and he hobbles off the pitch as the commentators continue: ‘Roy Kent will never leave on a stretcher. As Kent comes off, he claps the fans in gratitude'. And as they cheer, Roy nods to Ted in a way that tells us all he won't be coming back, and Ted nods back in a way that just says ‘well done’. We watch Roy make his way down the tunnel alone as the commentators say: ‘Kent has been a fan favourite because he always left everything he had out on the pitch, and he did so tonight.’ Roy makes his way into the locker room and you can hear the crowd’s chant is still going but gets quieter as he walks further away, until he slams the locker room door, and the chanting is shut out. The commentary continues: ‘Does this almost feel like a farewell to you?’ ‘Well, you have to wonder, at his age, with that injury…’ ‘Personally, I'm sorry to say, I think this may be the last time we ever see the great Roy Kent lace up his boots.’ 

Urgh, my heart broke in this moment. Not because of a footballer and the end of a career so much, but because I know the feeling of loss, the end of dreams, decisions out of your hands taking your life in a way you despise in that moment. And as he stands in front of his locker and removes his shirt, and you know it’s for the last time, it feels packed with symbolism, loss, grief and endings. His career and something he loves coming off and landing in a heap like his shirt, shut behind him like the chanting, leaving him with only a bust knee in a lonely locker room. The fact that it’s a triumphant ending of a great career doesn’t matter in this moment, it's just the loss being felt of something that was loved and lived for so long. And I think to different degrees, we all know that feeling. And it’s important we allow space for that feeling before looking at all the amazing things that might have come before or through it.

But what I love about how this is handled is that as he sits on the bench, in just his shorts, leans forward, head in hands, with his bust knee out straight in front of him, it would be such an easy shot to end there, but they take it one glorious step further, which is exactly what I always want to do with the podcast and loss. Don’t leave things at the pain of loss, go beyond that and show the hope and comfort that can be found through it, whether you want it or not, just show how often it appears and that we have a choice to accept it or push it away. Because hope is very hard to drown, that's why they say ‘hope floats’. And this is actually played out in this next scene, because Keeley appears at the door. And the first time I saw this episode and Roy was sat alone on the bench holding his head, I was cheering shouting - ‘Run down Keeley, run down!!’ No one should be alone at this point in loss, no matter how much they might think they want to be. 

And as she slowly opens the door, he looks up and says in true Roy Kent style: ‘You're not allowed back here during a game.’ She silently continues towards him. ‘‘I told you, you have to get out.’ And you can see what he’s really saying is - ‘I don’t want you to see me like this’, as a mix of panic, pain, hurt and anger rush across his face and voice. But Keeley keeps moving forwards, holding her coat and we get a great back shot of her with ‘Kent’ on the back of her football shirt. ‘I mean it. Stay the fսck away from me.’ She pauses briefly and looks at him, then moves forward and sits next to him, gently takes his hand, finding her way with how he’s reacting, and then puts her arm around him and again we get a lovely back shot of them, him shirtless, stripped bear, and her in her supporting ‘Kent’ football shirt as she takes his head onto her shoulder and lets him let go. Ah man, perfect. Such a great scene, such a great example of coming alongside someone in grief - no words, just a gentle sounding out of what they need, knowing the person well enough to see that need and maybe even ignore their words - knowing it's not what they really mean anyway. I just love it!

Meanwhile outside in the stadium there’s a noise that Nathan says is 26,000 people checking their mobiles and it turns out that Crystal Palace won 6-0, which means all that Richmond need is a tie to stay up, with three minutes of extra time. Suddenly Ted has a renewed hope in ties, over wins, and the team, off their own backs decide to undertake a Lasso Special trick play that completely confuses the opposition and all the fans and commentators. This gives Richmond a chance and Rojas (a player whose moto is ‘football is life’) gets through and scores a goal and everyone goes wild. They are now in a draw which would keep them in the Premier League.

However, play resumes as they’re still celebrating and Jamie Tartt breaks free for Man City, makes an extra pass (something he’s not known for and Ted was trying to get him to do at Richmond but he wouldn’t) and they score. Ending Richmond’s hope of staying up. And we get that heartbreaking all too familiar scene in football where the players on the losing team sink to their knees holding their heads, and a haunting version of ‘You’ll never walk alone’ plays as we see the devastation spread through the fans in the stadium and in the pub. The song continues to play as Ted is interviewed on the TV congratulating the opposition, and as he walks past a room with a glass window where he sees Jamie Tartt sitting on a bench hanging his head. Ted goes to enter the room but quickly stops when something is thrown towards Jamie hitting the wall and we see Jamie getting shouted at by his dad (who’s not a nice man and scrounges off Jamie’s football success). As he yells at him for passing the ball, Jamie glances at Ted through the window and they exchange a look. It’s a sad moment and we realise the reason Jamie has so much confidence in himself is maybe because no one else has, and team work certainly wouldn’t come easy to him having it never been clearly modelled. And we also know this moment gives Ted an insight into Jamie that he will use in some way - giving us a burst of hope that Jamie’s episode won’t end on this sad note. 

Then we see all the Richmond players and other characters sitting sadly in the locker room as Ted enters. And he says this: ‘Hey. Y'all played a heck of a game out there. We may not have won, but y'all definitely succeeded. I mean, you gave the champs 90 minutes of hell. Zoreaux, where you at? That dude had more saves than a Baptist preacher. Give it up for Zoreaux. Yeah. That's right. What about Roy? Roy chased down his grandson. Stopped him from getting an easy one. Now, look, this is a sad moment right here. For all of us. And there ain't nothing I can say, standing in front of you right now, that can take that away. But please do me this favour, will you? Lift your heads up and look around this locker room. Yeah? Look at everybody else in here. And I want you to be grateful that you're going through this sad moment with all these other folks. Because I promise you, there is something worse out there than being sad, and that is being alone and being sad. Ain't nobody in this room alone.’

At this moment I don't know how your thoughts don't go to poor Jamie down the hall, and the bigger losses there are in life than sport - like family and relationships.

In the end shot we see Jamie getting back on the bus with his team and Coach Beard hands him an envelope, which Jamie jokes might be a love letter, but he opens it and reads on the bus and it says ‘Way to make that extra pass. Ted’ with a little plastic army figure with it. 

Side note: Ted received a package from his son with things to remind him of home earlier on and it had in it a battalion of plastic army men to “keep him safe”, which he proceeds to gift to other characters throughout the show. And I suspect that each one being in a different position, Ted probably chooses them very carefully as to which one he gives to who, but I won’t go into that here.

Anyway, the one he gives Jamie is looking through binoculars - maybe a nod to him that Ted is watching out for him. And the note praises him for the exact thing his father was berating him for. And this is why I love this program, because it never leaves someone out in the rain. It redeems. 

All this time ‘you’ll never walk alone’ had been playing in the background and as it fades we see Ted chatting to Rebecca, assuming he’s about to be fired  he asks if he can quit to save her the decision, but Rebecca has no intention of losing him and tells him they have work to do next season. Which we’re all very relieved about for season 2. 

And then Ted spits water all over Rebecca's face because he didn’t realise it was fizzy!

And here endeth season 1 of Ted Lasso.  

And I could probably do a whole podcast on each episode if I had the time and space, because I still maintain it’s hard to find a single film, TV program or book that doesn’t have loss in it, or even in the core of it. In storytelling they often say ‘add conflict’, you always need conflict, but actually, mostly, you add loss. So much of what keeps stories interesting, compelling, ticking over, and so much of character development is around loss. It’s fascinating. 

As far as Season 2 goes, it’s still good but it’s probably an 8 for me, whereas Season 1 was a solid 9, and I don’t go that high easily for any TV. However, there’s still many great scenes and an 8 is still super high. There is one other scene that I loved, and that nearly made the cut, so I’ll give you a quick overview, because I just couldn’t leave it out completely: Season 2, Episode 8 is called - Man City. And it brings back the ‘Jamie and his dad’ relationship. Richmond are playing away to Man City this time, Roy Kent has joined the coaching team (after a lot of coaxing and a stint commentating) and after a tough game where they lose again, all the players and coaches are in the changing rooms when a security guard asks if Jamie’s dad can come through (Jamie got him tickets, but he’s been supporting Man City the whole game). Then in front of all the other players in a silent dressing room his dad proceeds to mock and jeer them, bigging up Man City, then turns to Jamie and starts ribbing him, but also asking for him and his friends to get a pass onto the pitch to take photos, Jamie says he’d rather not organise that, then his dad gets nasty and Jamie asks him not to speak to him like that, but his dad continues, belittling the whole team around him. Jamie turns away from him, a brave move to try and end the situation, but his dad grabs him by the arm and tells him not to turn his back on him (with a nasty word), and Jamie turns around and punches him in the face. At great moment of comeuppance and was deserved, as far as physical violence goes. At which point Coach Beard steps in and grabs his dad before he can hit back and sees him out while saying ‘watch the door, oops’ as he bashes him into it. Then in a heart breaking scene, that made me feel so helpless, Jamie is left just standing where he is in a silent locker room, as all the players watch him in silence, a broken man. It’s a cruel moment as the one who usually has all the confidence is stripped of it. As they make us wait in this tension it's finally ended very unexpectedly by… no, not Ted, but by Roy Kent walking up to Jamie confidently, without hesitation, wrapping his arms around him in a tight, purposeful hug. Gulp. As Jamie lets go into the hug and sobs, the other players watch in shock and Roy, looking a bit confused by what he just did, just holds him. Meanwhile, Ted immediately walks out (very unlike him) and calls the psychologist they have at the team, in tears, (he’s had on off chats with her about panic attacks he’s started having) and he tells her his dad killed himself when he was 16 - the first we hear of this. He says ‘...I don't know if that's where maybe some of my issues stem from.’ To which she replies, ‘No, it definitely is.’ Then Coach Beard has to go off on his own to process the loss of the match and all that’s happened. And suddenly there’s loss everywhere. Ted’s dad, loss of control, loss of leadership like Ted usually leads with, Roy chooses to lose his hatred of Jamie, Jamie loses face in front of his team mates, the team lost the match, Jamie’s dad probably just lost his son…it’s all over these scenes. But also the beauty that comes through loss, and how one person’s loss being worked through can impact those around them to seek solutions to their own grief. Bonding, friendship, honesty, deserved responses, support, coping strategies shifting, all these things come through the loss. The amazing complexities of relationships. It’s just another great scene.

Overall there is loads to love about this comedy. I love the Diamond Dogs, I love the curse breaking scene in the episode Two Aces, I love Carol of the Bells the Christmas episode which is so funny watching Roy Kent roam around looking for a dentist, and if you love a Rom Com reference - season 2 episode 5 - Rainbow - it's littered with them after Ted states early that he believes in ‘...communism - rom-communism that is.” “Believing in rom-communism is all about believing that everything’s gonna work out in the end.” And I’m sure I’m not even beginning to scrape the barrel when I say there’s references to When Harry Met Sally, Jerry Maguire, Sleepless in Seattle, Four Weddings and a Funeral, You’ve Got Mail, Notting Hill, The Princess Bride, Love Actually, and even what feels like a bit of Cool Runnings going on.

So I’m looking towards Series 3 with equal amounts of nerves and excitement. I trust the writers and I hope that the character development of these guys is true to who we know them to be now. I don’t want Roy and Keeley to split, I don’t want Rebecca to turn back to her old ways, I don’t want Ted to ever lose hope, I want Richmond to see success and I want Higgins to always be Higgins, and Beard to always be Beard. But I also know that's not how life goes and it's the diversions, the reverting back to old habits and the failures that make the best stories of redemption and resurrection. For it to be a good season there will have to be loss, there will have to be tears, but I’m also hoping for more bursts of the feel-good it just seems to inject into you with each episode. And Nathan…well, it’s all open for him, season 2 ends with him being our main antagonist and who knows where that'll go - but he does need to change, and I’m curious to see what and who they use to eventually do it.

So, thank you for joining me today and indulging me in this slight side project about loss, for more about The Silent Why and all things loss and hope, you know where to find me, visit the show notes or thesilentwhy.com.

I’m going to finish with just a few of the many wise words from Ted Lasso - 

“To quote the great UCLA college basketball coach, John Obi-Wan Gandalf, ‘It is our choices, gentlemen, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.’”