The Silent Why: finding hope in grief and loss

Loss 33/101: Loss of a Queen: Chris & Claire Sandys (and friends)

September 13, 2022 Chris Sandys, Claire Sandys Episode 49
The Silent Why: finding hope in grief and loss
Loss 33/101: Loss of a Queen: Chris & Claire Sandys (and friends)
Show Notes Transcript

#049.  Reflections on, and tributes to, our longest-reigning monarch, Queen Elizabeth II, after the announcement of her death three days ago.

Elizabeth Alexandra May Windsor
21.04.1926 - 08.09.2022

We never considered that in the short time we'd be exploring 101 losses, we'd need to hastily prepare an episode on the loss of our Queen. Yet here we are.

Loss #33 of 101.

At 7pm on Thursday 8 September 2022 the UK was stunned by a statement from 'His Majesty the King'. 

Just 30 minutes earlier, news had officially been shared that HM the Queen had died.

For his first words as the UK's new monarch, King Charles III wrote this:

"The death of my beloved Mother, Her Majesty The Queen, is a moment of the greatest sadness for me and all members of my family.
We mourn profoundly the passing of a cherished Sovereign and a much-loved Mother.
I know her loss will be deeply felt throughout the country, the Realms and the Commonwealth, and by countless people around the world. 

During this period of mourning and change, my family and I will be comforted and sustained by our knowledge of the respect and deep affection in which The Queen was so widely held."

Meanwhile on BBC TV, senior presenter Huw Edwards was making an announcement he knew would be making history: "A few moments ago, Buckingham Palace announced the death of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II."

As our country enters 10 days of official mourning, we wanted to stop and reflect on our thoughts and memories of the Queen, what this sort of loss might look. So we both wrote down three particular aspects of the loss we'd been thinking on to discuss and share with you. These include; media coverage, the impact of one little life on the world, wording, a life of service, the past influencing the future, and the importance of mourning. Plus, you can hear tributes and reflections from those we know (that's what makes this the longest episode we've released to date, they were too good to cut down). 

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Thank you for listening.

Chris & Claire:

[church bells tolling]

Chris:

Welcome to The Silent Why podcast, off the back of a rather unusual and sad week for us in the UK.

Claire:

We're Chris and Claire Sandys.

Chris:

On Thursday, the eighth of September 2022, our Queen Elizabeth the Second died at the age of 96, after raining for 70 years, and 214 days. That's the longest of any British monarch, and the longest recorded of any female Head of State in history.

Claire:

And of course, not just a queen, but also a mother, a grandmother and a great grandmother. And as of the eighth of September, we have a new king, King Charles III, he's the oldest person to ever assume that British throne at the age of 73.

Chris:

Apparently the whole thing is done so quickly, because in the past, it would have been dangerous to leave a country without a ruler for any amount of time. Although his coronation won't be until next year, and we don't have a date for that yet.

Claire:

So we had a drastic change of plan in the Sandys household, we actually recorded a short episode that was set to go out on Thursday night to say that we were going to have a couple of weeks off podcasting. So we could catch up with some things podcast related and I could focus on my writing for a few days.

Chris:

But when you have a British podcast on loss and grief, you can't not stop to reflect on what's going on in your own country when the whole nation goes into a period of national mourning for the first time in 70 years.

Claire:

Late on Thursday night, I sat down to write a blog of my initial thoughts about how we heard the news, and I released that on Friday. And we wanted to put this episode together to reflect on what this looks like for our country at the moment, how it impacts us, and the changes that we might have ahead.

Chris:

We also sent a message out to loads of people that we know personally and those to the podcast to ask them to share some thoughts with us about the Queen, which we'll include in this episode, and they sound a little bit like this.

Stuart:

"I can remember the death of her father."

Beth:

"Initially she was not destined to be our Queen."

Amanda:

"At 21 our Queen vowed to live a life of surrender, service, and devotion to her people."

Etta:

"I felt like we still had a Queen even though we don't now."

Greg:

"I didn't know just how challenging it was just to be the Queen of England."

Isla:

"She will always be remembered as one of the greatest Queens in history."

Kristian:

Yeah, it's a weird feeling right now.

Neville:

"It's gonna be difficult to get used to singing God save the King again."

Claire:

And as we record this, the coffin of our queen is being moved from Scotland to London where it arrives on Tuesday. We were just watching the hearse and the procession as it moves through Scotland. I think there's something symbolic about her travelling down the length of the country on her way to her burial place.

Chris:

Her body will lay in state for four days from Thursday, the 15th to Monday the 19th of September. And during that period, the coffin rests on a raised platform in the middle of Westminster Hall. Each corner of the platform is guarded around the clock by units from the Sovereigns Bodyguard, Foot Guards, or the Household Cavalry Mounted Regiment. And it's expected that tens of thoussands, maybe hundreds of thousands, maybe more, members of the public will be free to file past the platform and pay their respects.

Claire:

Then her funeral will take place at 11am on Monday the 19th, probably one of the biggest events that many of us will ever have seen. And maybe we'll ever see. And that's going to be a national public Bank Holiday. Although it is weird to think that after such a long reign, me and you might actually see this happen again one day?

Chris:

I think it's likely I mean, clearly we don't know how long King Charles the third will live. Clearly, we don't know how long you're like we're live for. But it would be unusual for us not to see this happen again.

Claire:

Yeah, if we live to a good age, and he lives to a good age, we would see it.

Chris:

And from this point on as well. We will only ever know kings. That's pretty much certain.

Claire:

Won't be a queen, unless something really awful happens, there isn't a queen at the moment until Charlotte and she wouldn't become queen. Unless George didn't have any children. So yeah, likely to just be kings. Have you actually ever seen the Queen ever?

Chris:

But no, no. Let's see the house is in her main residence. Buckingham Palace from the outside. You've been in, haven't you?

Claire:

I have.

Chris:

Ah, I've never even been in a single from the outside through the gates.

Claire:

Yeah, no, I've been around Buckingham Palace. And I've seen the Queen twice. Not in Buckingham Palace, pointing that out. She didn't invite me in. It was a long queue to get in. I went as a teenager. Queued for a long time. Like I think you always have to. Yeah, and I saw her when I was at school in Norfolk. She came around Thetford where my school was, I think about middle school age. And we all went out and lined the streets to see her walk past. So I remember that. And then I was in London once just walking around and she happened to drive past, there was some kind of opening of something in Parliament. She was on her way there but I didn't know about and it was just like, 'O! There's the queen!' So yeah, that's why so and actually apparently only 30% of the population have actually seen the Queen, including me.

Chris:

Well, I'm certainly in the 70% I'm not seeing the Queen not seen Prince Philip when he was alive not seeing Prince Charles.

Claire:

I've also seen Prince Charles now King Charles.

Chris:

King Charles. Yeah, gotta get used to calling him King

Claire:

I saw King Charles III! He was Prince Charles at the Charles. time. But I saw him with a friend in Cheltenham. He came very close, touching distance pretty much. But you don't touch Royals as we know, so I didn't reach out and pat him. But yeah, I have met him. Not 'met' him. Seen him.

Chris:

I'm not sure if you you are right in saying you don't touch Royals because we've seen lots of people touching the Royals on the TV this last few days.

Claire:

People do but you're not supposed to. I don't know why?

Chris:

Lots of handshaking. Unless they offer you, must be if they offer you a hand, you're not gonna say no.

Claire:

Oh yeah. Is it a security thing? Or are they just not touchy people?

Chris:

I've no idea.

Claire:

No, me neither. So first thoughts when you think of the Queen before or after her death, what's like the first thing that comes to mind?

Chris:

Well, the first thought is that she's she's there. She's just always been there. She's always been the Queen, and always been someone that you'd see at big occasions, big momentous UK gathering celebrations. And sadnesses the recording would be there would be there in the background would be visible, would give a speech, a sentiment statement, whatever it may be. So it's still weird, and it will continue to be weird for a while to think that she's not there. And you?

Claire:

I think the first thought that comes to mind is how, this is gonna sound weird, but how British I feel like I've always seen her. So one of the things I think every time she did a Christmas message, or we watched her on TV saying something or speaking to the nation, she was very, not serious as such, professional, I guess. And you know, her delivery was always lacking in emotion of any kind. And I was always waiting for her to crack a smile, because everyone talks about how warming she was, how lovely her smile was how she made you feel so welcome if you met her. And I was always hoping to see that. So I think the first thing I was thought of it was quite serious in some ways. But the more I've learned about her over the years, and the more I've learned about her since she died, the more I see how wise that was, in being like that. Because if you show any kind of emotion or opinion or anything nowadays, you get pretty much torn to shreds. And I would have thought once all the media came in, she would have had to have been extra cautious because obviously this is a queen that was pre-media. So she's seen all that come in and had to, I guess navigate how much do I show when I'm being interviewed when I'm being videoed. So I think it was a very wise decision. And I think it's kept her above reproach in many ways. But my first though of her was always quite serious, quite stiff upper lip.

Chris:

It does feel, again, because of the television coverage that we've seen in the last 48 hours. I've seen more of her smiling than I think had seen for decades before, that tends to be quite an unusual thing to see her smiling or laughing. This is often the case with funerals, isn't it that you remember certain elements that really were striking or that stood out? And I've seen far more footage of her smiling and chuckling almost than I have done? When she was alive and making public appearances?

Claire:

Yeah, we've seen some lovely images of her laughing recently.

Chris:

So if you were to highlight one particular memory memory that will stay with you going forwards, what do you think that will might be?

Claire:

I think sadly, one of the strongest images I have of her in my head, which really hit me at the time was her dressed in black at Prince Philip's funeral when she had to sit on her own because of COVID. It's not a particularly happy image. But that, for me was so poignant. And I think it said so much about her that she was sticking to the COVID rules, you know that she was doing this on her own. I mean, it might have been nice for her to have had that space, I don't know, rather than having people around her, maybe it was it made it more private for her. And she was able to mourn him in a different way. But when they put that out, I think it was just something that really made us feel like she was with us in it, you know, she had gone through something awful. And he had been made worse by COVID, which so many people identified with. So I think that one for me was just just very poignant.

Chris:

It just spoke so much into the fact that she, as the royal family often would do, but with the queen in particular, would not do anything out of keeping with what the rest of us would be expected to do. She had that when that was a decision she made she took that decision or others took it on behalf and she agreed to sit on her own in church for her husband's funeral. As tens of thousands of people were doing the same thing in the UK and around the world as well. I don't know if that was before or during a lot of political divide that we had an aggro with key figures in this society that were, you know, appearing to be breaking rules that were causing fallout because what they were doing was questionable in the eyes of others. But that image in particular stood out because so many related to it.

Claire:

How about you?

Chris:

The one of the most lovely images is that of her walking down what looks like some sort of stone corridor or passageway and then standing to her right is Prince Philip who's dressed and you know, the full Busby gear.

Claire:

Yeah, the red!

Chris:

The huge big black hat, medals, and he's obviously said something that's made her smile and the cameras caught her just as she's looking either to him or away from him, with that sort of wry smile on her face, chuckling a little bit. And it's just makes me think that so you and me! Even the size difference. I think if I was the one in full uniform, and you were having to walk past me doing something formal, and the camera was on you, and I'd try and say something just to make you smile. It's just, it's just beautiful, it's just partnership, it's intimacy. It's personal. It's character. It's a lovely image!

Claire:

You just feel like it would have been something really cheeky, like 'aye aye' or a little wolf whistle or something that was completely inappropriate, but that only he could get away with.

Chris:

When you ask questions like that, something you remember about her, I find my memories, what's mingled in with them, are things from like, the Netflix The Crown series.

Claire:

Yes, you have to be careful that you do separate those two out.

Chris:

No, yeah, I haven't seen her doing that. That was a drama.

Claire:

Yeah, I remember this time when she was in her bedroom getting dressed, and she said this thing to her maid. It's like, 'oh, no, I didn't see that. That was The Crown!' Okay, so we've written down some things we want you to reflect on about the last few days and the Queen and you know, loss overall. So we've got three areas each. So do you want to kick us off with your first one?

Chris:

Yeah, as we said, in the introduction to this episode, we do a podcast on different types of loss, we'd never have imagined that one of our 101 different types of loss would be Royal Family related. But just from having watched so much of the coverage and listened to so much of the coverage from the last few days, one of the things that's given me cause for thought is about how technology is now offering us so much more of a personal insight into what's going on. And not just an insight, but a high definition insight, just the picture, quality and clarity for some real private stuff that we've not seen before has struck me. And I think it struck me because so much of it is brilliant. And so much of it also causes me to question how much of it is healthy for us to have this open access into somebody's grief into a family grieving. Just a couple of examples of what I mean by unusual insight. We've seen political figures meeting King Charles III for the first time, through footage, it's almost felt like you know, somebody in the room is just gone. I'll get my phone out and just capture this. So it's not like proper official formal television coverage. It feels quite intimate, quite raw camera like mobile phone footage, as the new Prime Minister of our country meets the new King of our nation. And seeing that and just hearing the words quite softly, you know, it's not miked up properly. But seeing stuff like that, just seeing the Prime Minister Liz Truss responding to King Charles III, for the first time just feels like that's a moment, I would imagine she would rather than that in private, rather than have cameras or a camera filming it, but we get to see that. And so you know, we have this rare new position, this new insight into private matters. Another example, was the official proclamation. So traditionally done behind closed doors. But the first time ever, we had television cameras, and we were able to join this very formal proclamation where official members first of this sort of Privy Council proclaim that the Queen has died. And King Charles III is to take the throne. Lots of formal words used like leige, something or other you don't usually hear in our everyday language, lots of mentions of God, which of course you don't hear in British public life very much now, apart from in ceremonies and hives or Church of England stuff. And then to see King Charles III sign that proclamation, and the new Prince of Wales, formerly Prince William, and the Queen Consort, Camilla, signing that and then Archbishop of Canterbury of York and a few others. And then that proclamation now ripples out. So even here we are 24 hours on. And that's now as we record that she's been it's been read out in our local councils. So it went from that one room that we were part of with the TV cameras to outside St. James' Palace, announced to the public for the first time with trumpet fanfare. So you know, just seeing that there's very early stages as those reactions as a former Prime Minister's, Lords, Ladies, as they get to be part of that room, you know, with us there in TV cameras. So, I think incredible insight that we get now because of modern technology. But also I question how much of it is healthy that relates to us on a personal level that because of technology and social media, so much of our private lives now can become public, whether we're grieving or celebrating, so much of it becomes public because we share it on screens and devices and things, So I have mixed feelings about that.

Claire:

Yeah, it was weird, especially seeing all the Prime Ministers together. I don't think I've ever really seen them all stood side by side and interacting and I quite like that side of it. Like you said, it's a mixed bag of things when you bring media into it, but it was really nice to see that and a lot of stuff have been happening in Parliament. We've had that on them television, so the tributes that all the parliament people, what are they called? MPs! [laughs] All the MPs were were giving just to see them all, in a lighter, you sort of think that these guys are all enemies like they're fighting for to lead the party, that they're fighting against., this person did that wrong, they talk so harshly to each other. And then you see something like this and they're all chatting and smiling and you make them it makes you realise it's their job. It's not who they are. And I think it's humanise a lot of people watching all that. But also, I wonder if this is the segue into William's reign at some point, because I suspect that William will reign in a way that his grandmother didn't, because he will have technology and be aware of technology and know how to use technology in a way that no other king will have known. I wonder if we're going to see with Charles, a bit of that door opening, possibly on purpose to lead us towards whatever William will want to do?

Chris:

Yeah, well he's of that age, isn't he, where he'll be taking everything that he's part of now as the son of the King, no doubt without shadow in his mind that thought of this is what will happen with me when my dad dies, this is what will happen when I die.

Claire:

We were chatting at night saying I wonder how much George will be taking in? Because he's at an age where he would have questions. If he knows that he's to follow, you know, in the line of kings, then at that age, I would have thought he would be asking is this what will happen with me? Is this what's going to happen with daddy, it's a lot of strange stuff that the average child wouldn't see happen with their family, there must be a lot of questions they have to deal with and know how to deal with because it's obviously a very big thing to be taking in.

Chris:

And they're the royal family. You know, they're a royal family, but they won't get it right. Everyone that we talked to on the podcast about experiences have honest conversations of being open of being vulnerable. And everyone has stories of many times it going well, and main times, you know, things to learn from. And for you? Give us your first

Claire:

It was the weird way that somehow this life of this point. little lady that was born in London, and who has now died somehow affects the whole world. You know, they showed the pictures of all the newspapers across the world the next morning, and it was her portrait on so many, or you can almost say all of them, all these different languages. And there's our Queen looking back at you. And then you look at this, all these pictures of this seemingly quite normal in a lot of respects woman, you know, on a horse, or with her dogs are walking in the countryside. And all of this has happened just because of one little life. I know she's a queen, but she's still just this little human life. And I think that feels quite surreal. Because she's, she's just been around for so long, that she's become known so widely. It's not just that she was the Queen of England. If King Charles his reign was going to be three or four weeks, he wouldn't be remembered everywhere because of the role that he was born into. But the fact she has been around for so long, she'd visited over 100 countries, all these different eyes have seen her these people have met her we're literally splitting up the population by who has met her who hasn't met her. And it's all just for one life that happened to have been born into one family, where the circumstances happen to navigate to make her queen she wasn't even born to be queen, you know, that happened because of an abdication. So I think that's been the weird thing. I just keep looking at this person thinking this is just one life, but the impact that it's having across our country, across the world now is huge. And that just keeps blowing my mind, that it's just where you're born into.

Chris:

Even the impact on yourself, because we were watching earlier, the coverage of her coffin being moved through Scotland six hour journey to get to Edinburgh and you even said, then you found even that quite emotional at times. So it's having an impact on you that loss is having an

Claire:

Yeah, it's been a couple of times, it's just caught me impact on you. off guard, I've been watching something and I don't know if it's sometimes you know how some people, you just feel like you tune into a bigger grief that people are going through. I mean, you could stand in anyone's funeral. I defy anyone to not feel sad, even if you didn't know the person. So what we're watching is a grieving family and a death and coming up a funeral. And I think that is sad for a lot of people anyway. But for somebody that was so loved by so many people, and like you said that has just always been there. It just seems strange. And every time it comes up on the TV, there's a picture of her and then next to her it says, you know the 'death of Queen Elizabeth'. It's like what really?That actually happened? Like so many people are saying we knew she wouldn't last forever. But you sort of felt like she might in some way. And it's just, it's weird. It's just weird. One little life just born into one family and this is what it becomes just blows my mind.

Chris:

How weird do you find it? That yes, of the sadness of the death but mingled in with that is this sort of celebration of a new king?

Claire:

I don't know if it is a celebration. I think it's more just a it's the next step. It's the moving on. That is part of what that is part of the history that we're watching happen. A queen dies, a king dies a queen or king takes over. And that's you know, we've heard about it. We've all learned about it in school, the kings and queens of England going back for, you know, hundreds of years. And now we're watching that transition which most of us will never have seen before. I think it said 95% of the population have never been under a different monarch. That's huge. So we're watching something that we've learned about but never seen. And so I think it's not so much celebration, it's just a mourning, and then watching that mantle being taken up by the next person.

Chris:

I think, to me, it does feel like there's a there's a tension between the two, you know, he's there's people cheering on the streets, you know, there's greeting going on King Charles III being out to greet people to shake hands receive flowers, you know, in a way, there's what they call the accession to the throne. And the coronation, which will be next year will be a massive occasion of of celebration. But I still think there is there is this element of celebrating the new king in welcoming in the new King.

Claire:

I think people are encouraging him. I think people want to show support for him. But I think their hearts are going out for him because they know what he's going through. And I feel like it's I don't think we've got to the celebration bit yet. I felt it after the funeral, and with the coronation. Yes, definitely. But I feel like at the moment, it's more when you hear them cheering for him. It's more an encouragement in a role that he's having to do and he's having to take on and people feel for him, or they were supportive of him in the first place. So they've always supported Prince Charles. And now they want to just show their encouragement for King Charles. But I don't feel the tension too much. I feel like this is just part of the process. And we're seeing it happen. And people want to just stand by him in that. What about you, what's your next point?

Chris:

Let's just about wording. I think I've been really conscious of words that have been used in two senses. I think one is again asking this question of how comfortable are we talking about death? And I don't get the impression that we are as a nation, it's felt like I might I might have imagined it, it's felt like at times, even the TV presenters that are completely competent and confident with broadcasting information such as this, a few times I've heard them say'passed away', 'the Queen has passed away'. Again, I may have imagined it. It's almost like there's a little a little pause just beforehand, like I'm not I'm not comfortable saying these words 'passed away'. Clearly choosing those words, rather than say the Queen has died. So it's just made me tune into as a nation, how do we talk about the death of the Queen, or the fact she's passed away? So that's one example, and the other, I really like I'm pondering more on this word. Over the last few months, I think, I was given cause to look at the definition, the dictionary definition of'grief'. And the definition included the word sorrow. And I thought that's a word that's not really in my vocabulary. I don't use that I don't think about that word very much. But I really like it and want to try and bring sorrow back into my experience. And I heard King Charles III using sorrow a few times or sorrowful in his speeches on a couple of different occasions. And I thought I liked that. It's it's a lovely word to use. So yeah, wording is I think just listening out for the different words used has been my second point.

Claire:

He started his statement with it.

Chris:

"I speak to you today with feelings of profound sorrow."

Claire:

Beautiful.

Chris:

It is a lovely word is it's quite an old word. I don't know why we don't use it. Do you use it much?

Claire:

No, no should do. Would be interesting to look into the word see where it comes from, because it sounds like a word that's coming from something else. When talking about the different ways that people have been talking about the death, like you said in the podcast, we've come across a lot of people who talk about vocabulary, and some people are very strict on how they use that recovery. Some people will only say words don't involve death, and dead, and some people will only say those words because it makes it clear. But what I did like when he word was announced on the BBC that she had died. It

was a very clear:

"A few moments ago, Buckingham Palace announced the death of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the Second." That for me, I love that, it's so beautiful. It's so clear. It's so precise. It's so respectful. And yet there's that casual 'a few moments ago' put on at the beginning. It's just something lovely about the simplicity of how that was announced. But since that I've seen a few people, like you said, really struggle with using the word'death', like they need to soften it for people.

Chris:

I think with the TV news reader example you've just shared there that makes me think of the episode with with Clarissa Moll whose husband died in her hiking accident. And do you remember what she said about the police coming to her door?

Claire:

She asked the police chaplains to tell her in one sentence what had happened because she knew she couldn't process more information than that.

Chris:

It reminded me of that thought, yeah, actually there are times where 'tell me honestly, tell me quickly, don't beat around the bush, just give it to me clear' and that was short and clear. Okay, your second point?

Claire:

You know, I've heard over the years people talk about her being the servant queen. And I've heard that it's a life of service, they're words we hear a lot about the queen. But I think until I've really started to reflect on her more now that she's gone. I've realised what a life of self sacrifice it is that she lived. And we're seeing a lot of lovely aspects to her life at the moment in the media, like you said things we haven't seen before behind the door. was a little bit. But you're also seeing a lot of the facts and figures coming out. And the fact that she did something like 21,000 engagements in her reign and, you know, visiting the 100 countries and meeting all the, you know, 14 presidents or something and having 15 Prime Ministers, all this stuff happening. So you know, it's busy, but I've just been thinking more and more about how would I have been if I'd have been born into that family and that situation, and then from that moment onwards, had pretty much every day for the rest of my life dictated for me. You know, in some ways, it's nice, because you don't have all the basic stuff, she never has to think about when to put a wash load on when to hang out the washing, what she's going to have the tea, whether she needs to get up and wear this or that, should I wear that shirt again? Or will it wear out quickly, and I can't afford to buy another one. It doesn't get any of these decisions, you know, she gets up she gets and I can see why, because it's such a busy life, but to give your life completely to that role, to the crown, and not have your own life. I've just been thinking on that a lot. And I think it was the thought of Charles taking over, I started to think about what he had ahead of him. And I realised that although it looks like an amazing thing, you know, he gets to become king, which in fairy tales, when we grow up being the king and queen or the princess is this thing that you you want to be you know, it's sort of like, 'Oh, that'd be amazing to be king of a land queen of land'. But when we looked at him taking that role on we realised how much loss that involved for him and things, he enjoyed things he had built up things he had founded. You know, we spoke to Lis Whybrow recently, and she said, let go, the organisation that she built for 30 years was really hard. There's a lot of emotion there. When you think of all the organisations and charities and funds and support that Prince Charles had set up, he now has to let that go as king and step back and do other things. And it must be really hard. And that's again, just stepping into that life of self sacrifice. You know, he doesn't get a retirement, he doesn't get time to grieve. He doesn't get those moments when you would just want to sit and cry for a few weeks, months, days, years. He straight into the job the next day grieving has to be done when he gets snippets of time because he can't look to retirement or look further down the line thing or deal with it, then he has to deal with the on the go. No, his marriage will change his relationship with his children will change, his siblings had to kiss his hand before he could be king that must put a bit of a weird point in the relationship. There's so much I feel like he won't get the peace that he maybe would be looking for is putting the crown first. And I think the Queen was known for that. And I'm realising more and more what that was like. And what I did love about her though was she also was known for things that she enjoyed. And I do wonder things like her love of the outdoors horses, corgis, and dorgis, I didn't even know they existed! The fact that she had those I felt like that was her personal love, and maybe an outlet for the stress and her escape from everything. And I'll be really interested to see what Charles's might be and whether we'll see it. What will his outlet be because it won't be all the funds and the charities he used to be a part of, it'll have to be something else. So I wonder if we'll see pictures of him in the countryside doing something specific that he likes.

Chris:

I think with the animals thing, like you just said there, every single human being on the planet would have treated the queen as the Queen, but every single animal she interacted with would have treated her as you know, a woman. So every horse, every dog, every deer that she went out to spy on with a binoculars in the sort of Balmoral Estate in Scotland at every bit of wildlife, every bit of animal life that she interacted with, that had been no queen about it that have just seen her as a human.

Claire:

One of the things I love about animals, animals have no expectations of you, they don't treat you any differently. They are what they are. In fact, we saw that programme on images of the Queen which was really good talking to all the different painters and photographers that have taken her image over the years. And one of those she painted a full full length picture of the Queen and last minute she added a couple of corgis, and one of the corners was sat on the robes at the bottom. She didn't really do it for the official portray. But in the end, it was so big the Royal Mail couldn't hanging, and the Queen actually added it to her personal collection. And she said, I wonder if that's because the corgis were in it. And I again that would be that moment of normally you would never see the Corgi sat on the royal robes at the bottom in anything you see officially. But that for her might have actually been a taste of who she really was and how she really felt.

Chris:

Yeah, I really liked what you were saying as well about King Charles the third in his first address to the nation. If you watch it back, you can clearly see the emotion there where he's recognising the things I'm now having to put down. And even when we spoke to Peter Ellis recently, when he had his stroke, the things that he was planning for the future he was planning for and the things you know the pain of having to put down those expectations and move on to other things. And you know, in a sense for King Charles now to have, you know he could be could be a guest in terms of the loss of the loss of inability, the loss of an identity that all this I was aiming to do I now have to put down because of this duty elsewhere. I don't have any choice in it.

Claire:

And at an age, 73, where most of us will be winding down and hoping to just maybe sit in the garden for a bit. This is like, you know, taking on a nation at that age.

Chris:

Although with King Charles, no element of surprise in a way he knew this was coming.

Claire:

Oh, yeah. I mean, he'd have prepared for it for ages, well since his birth, he was literally in line for the throne. So, what about you, what's your next one?

Chris:

My final point, I think, to summarise it and to relate it to us now is about allowing the past to help shape our future. I think so much clearly with the pageantry that you see which is just loved across the world for you know, Britain being this country of the royal family with all this pomp with this ceremony with the pageantry that you see. And we will continue to see in the days ahead, that in so much of the past of history is being used to start this new chapter with the new king, whether that's wording, outfits, ceremony, with duties with roles, different people taking on different roles in the public eye, and behind the scenes as well. And, you know, interesting to wonder, just behind our closed doors, how little bits of wording of changing because we you know, we don't know how they're changing. And one example that came to mind was about marriage vows, that 15 plus years ago we would regularly say, I think we said and I stick by it in our in our vows to each other about obedience, and submission. Many weddings today have removed those words. And I thought of that, during some of the words, the official proclamation of King Charles, I don't know whether the words have changed. But I'm wondering if they've changed how they've changed any bits that he was like, I'm not saying that. But I will say that, you know, we don't know where he stands in terms of his Christian faith, the Queen was devoutly Christian by faith, the head of the Church of England, King Charles is now head of the Church of England by I don't know what his his sort of personal faith, where that is. So really interesting, just to know about things like that, and how so much of the past has been used to shape the future now. And sometimes I think across society today in this nation anyway, maybe in the West, we can be quite quick to want to dismiss all of our background, thinking it's not helpful, that we're such a progressive culture now. And sometimes we need to remember actually, that so much of what we were taught and heard in the past, and frameworks for our own grief today for our own changes, transitions. So much of what we heard and saw and were taught in the past can be helpful and should still be helpful for us, as we move into new chapters, rather than disregarding it is just the past and old fashioned. But actually, there's so much of it that that we can use, as we're clearly seeing now, in terms of stepping into the future.

Claire:

Yeah, I think so often, we move forward assuming that everything in the past is outdated. And I think that's a huge mistake. Because with that, without wisdom, people learn these things, and they want to pass it on. And I think we have become a generation that's not particularly great at that. We might be very different from previous generations, because we've got so much more technology than they had, and information at our fingertips. But actual wisdom of how to live life, to not listen to generations that have been through wars, and been through all these big things, I think is a mistake.

Chris:

I think live life with with the help of those who've gone before those who've done done it before. I think that's really lovely and lovely to see many examples of people, members of the public, you know, wanting to bring their future into, you know, the now but we've seen some lovely examples, haven't we? Of children speaking about why they're laying flowers outside a royal residence or whatever it may be.

Claire:

her one day and I thought, yeah, what an amazing story to be able to say the day after the Queen died, we took you to the gates of Buckingham Palace, and you saw the King drive path for the first time. I mean, that's an amazing story to give her as a gift. I would have loved that as a story. You know, over my life, I'd have been telling people that right up into my 40s and 50s; 'Yeah, I was actually at the gates of Buckingham Palace when the King drove past'. You know, it's a huge thing. So I love that people are thinking ahead like that in such a big moment of history. It's quite exciting, really. And I'm not a history buff by any means.

Chris:

We'll regret it if we don't. Yeah, I think if we if we try and... in fact, it'll be interesting, let's talk again, around the time of the funeral because we're in an official 10 days of mourning, this country, this nation is in an official time of mourning,yet the tension is there between that being the formal requirement and still this inner compulsion to get back to normal as soon as but let's just get back to normal. It's got the same sort of the music on that we use to the TV printers that we use. Let's just get back to normal. But, you know, I think if we don't actually stop and just take this out and soak it up, recognise it. You'll look back on years to come and think didn't give any time to that I didn't pay any attention to that really passed me by because I was so busy thinking about what's next for me.

Claire:

Which is a shame because I have a feeling that when King George VI died, and Elizabeth was made Queen in 1952. I don't know. But I'm guessing they knew how to mourn a bit differently about then you'd have seen a lot more black, a lot more visual impacts of how that was affecting the nation and that 10 days of mourning might actually have looked like proper mourning. Whereas I would imagine if you walked around our towns over the next 10 days, you're probably gonna have to look for signs that things are happening, you might I'd imagine shops will be putting things out, you'll see things in windows, you might see the odd person in black people on TV or be wearing black things like that. But I don't think we'll have the same atmosphere. I don't think people actually want it either, which I think is another shame, but also a an amazing segue into my last point, which was the importance of mourning. So I think in Britain, we're known for that stiff upper lip, and keeping everything in, and not really being very emotional, and maybe being even judgmental of those that are. So if you saw someone at the gates of Buckingham Palace, sobbing this week, there'll be a lot of British people who think that's not appropriate, like, what is that person doing? They didn't know that person. You know, that should be done at home, if at all. And I'm learning more and more as I speak to people from different countries and with different backgrounds about loss, the importance of that mourning period. And I think I might have been somebody in the past who would have just moved on quickly as well. But I'm learning it's important to engage with what's happening. And I'm actually going back more towards maybe we should wear black more often. Because now we have this culture, I think we're a lot of people for funerals, and things want to wear colourful clothes, and make it a real celebration of the person, which I think is great. And I think every individual gets to choose that and you know, the person that dies, so if that's what they would have liked, I think that's a lovely way to celebrate them might even want that for my own funeral. But when it's something like this, it's so corporate, where so many people are sad and are suffering and it's such a big ending, I think it is appropriate to have some black to have some more sombre times to allow people to engage with that. And I actually think a lot of people will be engaging with it not because of the Queen dying, so much is it giving them space to mourn. And it might be they're mourning things in their own lives, even if they don't even realise it, that they haven't fully grieved that it kicks up stuff in them. And the emotions come out with this connects to other things like when I spoke to Evelyn, the funeral celebrant, on the episode I did of the let's Chat..., she was saying quite often you'll see emotion come out elsewhere. If you don't grieve it, if you don't let it come out at the funeral or when someone dies, it can come out at someone else's funeral that you didn't know so well or it can come out in other places, I think that might be what will happen a lot. Across this country, people will be grieving and mourning. And they'll feel the effects of it more than they thought they would. And you'll almost be like, Why is this making me so upset, but actually, it's linked to something else they're going through. And I think that's really important. And I'd encourage people to engage with that and actually allow it to happen. Because I do think, you know, mourning, and grieving and giving it that space is something that should be done. And like we were saying it's something that King Charles won't have the privilege or the time to be able to do, which is sad. And I really don't want to hear as my little soapbox moment, I don't like hearing people say she was old or she had a good life, because if any of us have lost grandparents or older people in our lives, I think we can all say it doesn't matter if they were old, and they had a good life when you're grieving in those early stages, and you feel sad about losing somebody at age, it makes no difference. The grief is just as intense either way. And it's maybe even more complicated on one level, because they've been around for so long. They're part of the fabric of your life. If you have a grandparent that dies in their 80s, or 90s, they've been there for your whole life. They've been there for your parents whole life. So you lose a lot, there's a lot of strands attached to that. And it's a different sort of grief. And I know sometimes we think that, you know, it's more of a tragedy to die young, which it is for that person. But I don't think we should go to the extreme of just because someone had a long life, it means that the grief should in some way be shorter or easier. I think after the funeral down the line, we'll look back and say she had a great life. And these are the good things. But in the interim, let people grieve. Let them feel awful. Let them feel bad, let them feel sad. Let them let them mourn. Because I think that's needed, and when we move people on because they lost someone that was old. I think we do them a disservice.

Chris:

I think maybe in the future we need to do an episode on... get someone on to teach us how to mourn. Teach us why we need to and how to do it.

Claire:

Another good word, lament. Yeah exactly. Don't have that in our society much.

Chris:

No, no, that seems a very old fashioned word, although much of what you've just spoken about, it's just a Western thing, isn't it? Because there are plenty of cultures in the developing world that will stop a member of the family dies or someone that community does eyes, the whole community will stop and have a period of mourning and do things differently that will go on for days.

Claire:

Yeah. And the other thing, I did wonder, people are always divided on the monarchy. And this week, like most of the coverage, everybody's just not even going close to the debate, should there or should there not be a monarchy, and we don't want to get into that, because it's just not the time. But I did wonder, you know, in the past, people have been split on every member of the royal family, you like him, you hate them, people have an opinion. And people have had opinions on Charles over the years. And I'm already hearing a lot of people speak far more highly of him than I expected. I wondered if he was going to be in for a bit of a rough ride at the beginning of people being like, oh, no, because he has such big shoes to fill. I mean, his mum did not give him an easy job to take over from. So I thought, Oh, this is gonna be difficult. But actually, people are speaking really highly of him. And I think it's because we're watching him mourn. We're watching him go through this death, and having to take on this role. And it made me wonder if that's the initial bonding point with a monarch, when Elizabeth took the throne, not having intended to not having been in the line of succession necessarily, we're not early in the line of succession. I think people would have instantly bonded with her because of what she was going through at such a young age. And I think we're feeling the same a bit with King Charles, he's having to do it at such an old age. And I think watching the family come together and try and just get through this, putss all your political thoughts aside for a while. And I think it starts a bonding process with them, where you just feel like you're on their side. And I just thought to myself if I had been there for Elizabeth's coronation, and I had then seen her whole reign, like some people have, not many people, but we know people who watch the coronation and did see it happen, how much more would you have bonded with her having gone through all this coming off the back of a world war she took to the throne, there was a lot of rebuilding to do a lot of stuff to manage, she's been through recently COVID and other things, so much in between, I can see why you would you would bond with that, and then mourn the loss because you saw her journey. And we will see Charles's journey, we have seen Charles's journey even before becoming king. And we know Williams even better, you know, remembering William being born, for most people, it's gonna be feel very recent. So by the time he becomes king would have known his whole life. So I think that that bonding is interesting. And I just wonder if this is the start of people bonding in a different way with King Charles, as opposed to Prince Charles, because we're seeing him more than just feels a very intimate thing to watch somebody do. And I think it starts a bit of a bond with them in a way maybe you didn't expect.

Chris:

And with that in mind, I think appropriately, we'll hear from a few of our friends, family, contacts, acquaintances, whatever you want to call them, people we love. You'll hear a mixture of views now from young and old.

Claire:

Including me reading a couple of the written submissions that we received.

Chris:

True dat. Their reflections, what they will remember about the life, the death of Queen Elizabeth II.[bell tolls]

Etta:

Hi, my name's Etta, and I am seven. And when I heard that the Queen had died, I felt distraught. But I felt like we still had a Queen, even though we don't now, I was upset, because I love writing letters to her. And she always wrote back to me. And that made me happy, but now she won't say that is why I am so sad that she has died. So I am planning to write another letter to the royal family. And they also loved her Platinum Jubilee. And I think she did too.

Kristian:

It was sad, waking up to the news of the Queen's passing. And it was sad to have someone who has been a staple in my life, no longer there. But the longer we kind of sat with it and the longer we thought about it, the more we realised how much is going to change and how much we have now that's in reference to her that's no longer gonna be we looked at our passports and it says 'her majesty', that 'her' is no longer going to be there that'her' is now going to be a 'him' and there's going to be a lot of places where that is going to change for us. And it's a strange concept for someone who you know is of my generation. So people that are in their 30s and 40s and even 50s have no concept of anyone else person that we don't know, you know, and I've never met and I've never even seen, but it's always been there. Christmas is coming up, we're gonna get to King's speech. It is a sense of loss, it is a sense of this person you that we're going to be consistently reminded that is no longer there. That is sad. And that is upsetting. And there is a sense of loss there. It's a new feeling for me. I've lost family members and friends and that sort of something that's a deep, that's a deeply personal thing. But to have a similar sort of feeling to someone I don't know, is strange. It's going to be something that is going to be missed and something that we're going to tell our families and the next generation. Yeah, it's a weird feeling right now.

Beth:

The news on Thursday that Queen Elizabeth II had died came as a shock. Especially as about 48 hours beforehand, she had met the new prime minister, so there was no notice that the Queen was ailing. To be honest, it doesn't seem real, that she isn't with us anymore. And it will take a long time to adjust to this. Like most people, I cannot remember a time when she was not our queen. On her 21st birthday, she gave a speech in which she pledged that the whole of her life would be devoted to the service of her country. And she kept her word. I think it is remarkable. That right up to her death, she kept her word, she kept working and kept being faithful. I admire her readiness to share her Christian faith, and how she demonstrated her faith by living to those values. Over the last couple of days, churches have been open for people to go into for a time of quiet reflection and prayer, with this time of reflection, and the upcoming funeral, I feel that in remembering, we recall those who are no longer with us, or perhaps people we are distant from. And as we remember, we may shed a tear or two, and that's okay. Queen Elizabeth will be very much missed. I hope that King Charles and the Queen Consort will have the time to grieve, as their schedules are so full at the moment. I'm sure that the events of the last few days, will have stirred up emotions in all of us. So be kind to one another.

Stuart:

My memories of the Queen go back many, many years to when I was actually a small boy, and I can remember the death of her father, George VI and the coronation in 1953, which I watched on a small television set in my grandfather's butcher shop. The television set was a cabinet with a 12 inch screen, and we watched the whole coronation in black and white. Many years later, I was in the St. John ambulance brigade, and we were on duty in the mile, and I was waiting for the queen to come by on her horse, eagerly waiting. And unfortunately, just as she arrived, a soldier standing in front of me fainted, and we had to deal with him and I missed the Queen altogether. But she's been there all my lifetime in constancy and ruling with great passion and with dignity.

Isla:

Hi, I'm Isla and I'm 10 years old. And I felt quite upset when I heard the news. I still feel like we have a queen, even though we don't. She just seems so resilient and always surviving. She was a wonderful, dutiful, kind, caring and loving woman who made the great leader for our country. She was a faithful Christian and a beloved child of God. She will always be remembered as one of the greatest queens in history.

Greg:

My name is Greg Williams. I live in Cayuga, Indiana. I know that The Crown is a dramatisation. But one thing that I have learned from it was that fine line, the Queen Elizabeth walked between her personal life with her family, and her personal beliefs, and then the very public persona that she had to establish time and again, there were episodes where she was caught in the middle. And I have such great respect for her, much more than I had in the past because I didn't know just how challenging it was to be the Queen of England. I have such respect for her and that line that she walked. She was an amazing woman.

Katrina:

My name is Katrina. I live in the Midlands. My memory of the Queen is at D Day 60. At a service for veterans in France. She was surrounded by UK veterans, people of her generation, their love and loyalty for their queen shining out. Her pride and respect was obvious. In the day since she's died. I'm looking back and being thankful that people are actually recognising their sadness. They're talking about their feelings, acknowledging their grief, recognising that they feel unsettled, unsure for the future. I hope that the country loses its sadness, but keeps this change that we can keep on talking and feel no need to make excuses for expressing our feelings.

David:

My name is David Jefferies and I live in Perth Western Eastern earlier, this is a recollection of Queen Elizabeth the Second from my mother Janet. When I was a child and the Queen visited my hometown of the City of Bristol. Migraine would take me to see her. It was exciting. Then there were the endless street parties for anything to do with the Queen. My very first job was working for the Bristol Waterworks Company. At that time, new reservoirs had been built at Barrow Gurney and I had the pleasure of having a front row seat, as the Queen was there for the opening. My husband Lawrence also had a quick glance of her as she drove through Keynsham. In those days, we had a lot of respect for the Queen. I found it very hard to hear of her passing, as she had always been part of my life. And I must say, I shed a few tears. May she rest in peace, Janet and Laura Jefferies, Harvey Bay, Australia,

Amanda:

Amanda Pickering, reflections of the Queen. I know that people's thoughts and feelings of the monarchy privilege and institution do vary, but it would be impossible to deny the impressive and selfless act the generations across the globe have witnessed in Queen Elizabeth II, just marvelling at the commemorations that are pouring in for her words are emerging that of faithfulness, devotion, service, duty, steadfastness, a rock. At 21, our queen vow to live a life of surrender service and devotion to her people. It was a position imposed on her without consultation simply because of her heritage. She fulfilled her vows she willingly yielded to serve you and to serve me. And this was acknowledged by Prime Minister Liz trust, when she said 'never has a promise been so dutifully fulfilled'. And again by Kier Starmer, leader of the Labour Party when he said'she didn't just simply reign over us but lived alongside us too'. The end of her reign magnifies in my mind and in my heart, the order at which the reign of our Lord Jesus Christ is truly everlasting. As I myself contemplate the enormity of her selflessness. I'm inspired how her life points me to Jesus, He fulfilled all his promises to us, and His resurrection means that his reign lives on for eternity. So the reign of Queen Elizabeth has concluded, and for the majority of the nation, we have no no other reign. It is understandable that though this day would inevitably come, it does feel unreal, that it now has, as we navigate together the impact of such a great loss, one which is felt across the globe and shared by and unites us to strangers, I'm so thankful that we do not need to fear that we have a hope. So in this period of mourning, for this remarkable woman, I give thanks and praise that our Queen has now entered Jesus's kingdom. She has relinquished her throne and can now sit fulfilled at the throne of Jesus.

Mike:

I'm Mike and I'm aged 77. As a very young boy, at about eight years old, the Queen was going to be crowned, I was told, and I went to this village, our village area and all trestle tables are right up the middle of the street. And I asked what was going on and they said,'We're going to be fed today'. Well, that was unusual for a start. And they put all these trestle tables up, and they put all the newspapers on top of them, and several union jacks and flags. And we all sat down and had a really good meal with sandwiches that could stop a door, and we filled up with a big cake and everything else all unusual. And then they gave us this mug, and it was the Queen's crowning mug. Every boy got one, every girl got one. At the age of 15 and a half, as a minor I decided to join the British army. That meant I had to go off to the junior leaders camp in Derbyshire and become a soldier and be trained to be fit to wear the Queens uniform. And that took about 18 months, two years, and during that period, I was taught how to fight and I was taught how to use many weapons. Then I went to a regiment regiment was was the shield foster regiment. And I accepted the Queen's shilling to become a regular soldier by accepting the Queen's shilling it was done at a small ceremony. We went the colonel of the regiment he gave us a shilling, which was brand new. He said basically, you're now a member of the armed forces and must be prepared to die for your regimen and for your flag, and you serve the Queen. That meant that I will be prepared to kill anybody that attacked the Queen, Queens family or anyone around who attacked Government bodies. And on a couple of occasions I was on guard for the queen, once at the palace, once somewhere else. And basically, I wasn't allowed to look at her or anything like that. I just saw this woman in a distance. And as she passed, as I was guarding the family, I noticed this very small lady and she was like porcelain. She was is absolutely beautiful. I wasn't allowed to look at her, my job was to look around, and to make sure nobody was going to be hurting her in any way. That's my first regulation with a Queen.

Anne:

My name is Anne and I'm actually 85. So I have many memories of the Queen when she was a child. But perhaps biggest one was when she got married. She was married in November '47. And I was only 10, so although only 10, it did make a huge impression on me. Her dress for instance, we've never seen anything so wonderful. But at that time, all we saw it was in a newspaper. I remember at 14 years old sitting in the dining room at school and the headmaster came in told us to put down our knives and forks and to stand up and he announced that George VI had died. Nothing else, we looked at each other wondering and picked up our knives and forks and ate our dinner. But the time I was 15, I was out at work in London's Oxford Street, and apprentice window dresser. And I was right in the heart of London. And when the Queen came, it was announced she was to be crowned. The excitement was absolutely enormous. It permeated everything. We get excited now about weddings, but nothing like the coronation. All the streets up and down Oxford Street and beyond, were all decorated in the most magnificent way. We've never seen or heard or even experienced anything like this in our young lives. The day of the coronation came and I had to make a decision. Do I stand 20 foot back and try and see the coronation? Or do I watch it on television which had been newly colourized - I chose television. And in a way it was a good thing for we saw everything. But to see the Queen coming down the aisle of Westminster Abbey with her long train with her ladies in waiting. We had never, ever seen anything like it. The ceremony even as youngsters knocked us off our feet to be honest, the sheer luxury, the diamonds, the long velvet. Remember, we were still on rationing in many things at that time. I think it's the opulence of it and yet the solemnity of the occasion, ate into you somehow, it was wonderful. Half the world came to see this this coronation. One of the biggest memories and it will be difficult for people to remember this perhaps, but there was the heads of every government that you can think of coming over. But the most magnificent was the Queen of Tonga. And she was six foot four and as easily as wide. And when she stood next to the Queen, you can imagine the contrast. But what won Londoner's hearts to the Queen of Tonga was she rode in a carriage all on her own and the rain just tipped down all over her. She was quite a character and for those who were there and can remember, the Queen of Tonga was talked about almost as much as our new Queen.

Peter:

Hello, my name is Peter Ellis. And I live in Diss in Norfolk. I met the Queen on a couple of occasions, once when she held reception at St. James' Palace for Hospice UK. And I also encountered her when in 1990, the then London hospital, the Queen visited and bestowed the title 'Royal' so the Queen while small in stature, there was a sense of humility in her grandeur. For many it feels like she came into our homes, especially on Christmas Day, rather like an invited guest. Even our Christmas lunch revolved around her speech to the nation. She has been such a constant in our lives. Despite all the pomp and ceremony around her, she exuded graciousness and humulity, in my view, a quality of servant leadership. It was powerful. Watching all the pictures, the films, shown on television over the last few days, all the sparkling jewels, the palaces, the various homes, she did seem to prefer a simpler life when she could. And I, along with many others experience a deep sense of loss. Hearing about the death of a queen made me question, why do I feel sad about someone who I did not know personally? Maybe it resonates and touches something deep within us about the losses we've had ourselves. The Queen's death is a loss on a national and international scale, she has gone she was driven by her faith, or was not constrained by it, because of faith had deep roots. So she was comfortable to reach out to those of other faiths, as well as those who had no faith at all. In one of her Christmas messages she said'there is no magic formula that will transform sorrow into happiness, intolerance into compassion, or war into peace, but inspiration can change human behaviour, those who do devote their lives to others have that inspiration, and they know, we know where to look for help in finding it. That help can be readily given, if we only have the faith to ask.' She will be greatly missed. Perhaps her loss provides a platform to enable us to move into the next phase of life. As she herself said, using the words of Julian of Norwich; All will be well.'

Amy:

I'm Amy. Hearing the loss of Queen Elizabeth this week because affected me in a few different ways. It has been an exhausting week for us with the kids going back to school, so telling my children the news was quite sad, and helping them navigate their own emotions and understand how to grieve personally for someone they've never met, but who meant something to them and their country. The Queen was someone who they were both so aware of after the jubilee celebrations we had this year. So watching the TV coverage and seeing pictures of the Queen, and people gathering outside her different residences to honour her was helpful I think, to understand that lots of people are sad, and are finding ways to process what they're feeling. The next day, I realised a bit unexpectedly that I was feeling a deep sadness, but also that it was the grief of my two grandparents coming back. They loved the Queen, I grew up knowing their love and respect for her and watching the Queen's speech on Christmas day every year, which was always full of hope for the future and showed the Queen's deep faith. So many of the tributes to her talk about her being a servant Queen, being faithful to God and devoted to the country. And what always came across with her real love and care for the people of our country, but also for her own family. So it feels like the end of a long era that brings up past grief in our own lives, as well as national mourning and a sense of heaviness across the country and the loss of a strong and constant leader, which will probably take some time to process.

Neville:

Oh, very, very, very sad. It's gonna be a difficult time ahead to live without her, knowing she's there as a solid rock to us all. She helped us concentrate on on our own lives and gave us a lead to follow and keep us on on the right path. I respect her love and prayers and'er religion as the head of the Church of England.

Carol:

Charles was born a few months before me so I've always felt a kind of connection. But it was his little sister Anne, who I thought was better than a fairytale princess and so pretty as a little girl. I used to cut out newspaper pictures of them. And in those days, their mother, Queen Elizabeth was seen wearing a headscarf more often than a crown. So in my childhood, I didn't take as much notice of her, as I did her children. In my adulthood, I began to recognise who she really was and acknowledge her wise words. About 50 years ago, in one of her speeches, she said these words, 'Goodwill is better than resentment. Tolerance is better than revenge. Compassion is better than anger, above all, a lively concern for the interests of others'. And that is how Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, lived her life.

Lis:

Today, we as a country mourn the death of a great leader, whose long reign was characterised by a sense of duty, a commitment to hard work, a strong personal faith, and a good helping of humour, and humility. She exemplified what many of today's leaders lack. May all of us who aspire to lead or support those who lead us show similar traits of commitment, and determination and love. For those we seek to serve. Many of us will mourn the loss of our amazing queen, but remain thankful for all that she has given to our country over the last seven decades, which for many of us is longer than we have even been on this planet. Our thoughts and prayers go out to her family.

Rachel:

My name is Carol Tyler. I live in Cincinnati, Ohio, USA. And even though I'm a US citizen, I am proud to say that Elizabeth is my queen, can you imagine? We are living or have been living in the second, Elizabethen era. And the first Elizabethan era was known for its advanced in the arts and culture. Now, I am a rabid Beatle-maniac, and I saw them and love them when I was a young girl. And I'll have to say thinking about the Queen today, I'm amazed at how much fantastic music has come out of Britain during her reign. It's the epic epoch of epoch British music. And so for that, I thank you and God save the King.

Jennifer:

Hello, I'm Jennifer. The Queen has been a constant throughout my life, and I have always admired her, as she said in her Christmas broadcast in 2014, Jesus Christ was an inspiration and an anchor in her life and a role model of reconciliation and forgiveness, showing acceptance of all.

Rachel:

On reflection of the death of Queen Elizabeth. I think my strongest memory of her through my 66 years of her reign was the speech that she gave to the nation at Christmas in 1992. 1992 was her 40th anniversary of being on the throne and she was 66 years old, and I was 36 years old. The Queen said of that year, it was 'not one in which I shall look back with undiluted pleasure'. She had seen three out of her four children's marriages collapse, and there had been a serious fire at her favourite home in London, Windsor Castle. Up until then, the Queen and the royal family had been important within our family, but as my parents had never had a television, the royal family were perhaps less visible to me than most people, until I was in my 20s and had my own. But in 1992, I found myself suddenly connecting with the Queen in a way that I had not done before. We had a glimpse into her life, which had been one of dignified silence concerning matters of the heart. But now through just a couple of sentences, she revealed her role as a mother showing us her humanity in a way that she had not done in the past. And from that speech onwards, I saw her in a different light. That year for her was filled with perhaps more sorrow than joy, but she shared her pain and we loved her for it. Queen Elizabeth II was an exemplary queen in our unrelenting dedication service to her nation, but she was also a mother, and on this occasion, she became one of us. Queen Elizabeth, we thank God for every memory of you.

Neville:

Most of my life has been singing God Save the Queen, it's gonna be difficult to get used to singing God save the King again.

Church singing on Sunday 11 Sept 2022:

God save our gracious King, Long live our noble King, God save the King. Send him victorious, happy and glorious, long to reign over us, God save the King.

Claire:

Thank you to everyone that sent us something to put together for this tribute. We'd really encourage you to be kind to yourself, if you're feeling the grief and the loss from losing our queen. Sometimes this kind of stuff can raise up grief from other areas of our lives, it's really important just to sit and feel those feelings.

Chris:

And use lovely words that others have written and said, such as my wife, Claire, in her blog from, well the hours after the news was developing, she wrote the most lovely piece which she recorded. So you can hear that in your podcast provider or read it on the website, www.thesilentwhy.com, from last Friday and Claire's immediate reflections on the news that was breaking. There's much more content to come from us on this as we watch our nation grieve and the different forms that this takes with the ceremonies and the schedule as it continues.

Claire:

And we're gonna finish today with a quote from King Charles III, from his first address to the nation, just after the loss of his mother. Talking about her he said this,"She made sacrifices for duty. Her dedication and devotion is sovereign never wavered, through times of change and progress, through times of joy and celebration, through times of sadness and loss. In her life of service, we saw that abiding love of tradition, together with that fearless embrace of progress, which make us great as nations. In our sorrow, let us remember and draw strength from the light of her example."

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