Hello one and all. And welcome to The Silent Why. I’m Claire Sandys, host of the podcast (and occasionally you’ll hear my other half, Chris, popping in too).
And we’re here again, that festive season that brings pretty much every emotion under the sun. Whatever you’re feeling about it, I thought I’d just put out this quick bonus episode to let you know what we have coming up for you over the Christmas and New Year period.
Now, I’m well aware that Christmas isn’t necessarily ‘merry’ or ‘happy’ for all of us, and a ‘new year’ isn’t always welcome or celebrated, so to make sure you don’t feel alone over this holiday period, we’re putting out plenty of content for you to keep you company if you need it.
In our first year of the podcast in 2021, Christmas arrived only three months after we’d started the podcast, so we were new to exploring grief and actually, our grief journey in many ways was just beginning as we explored a topic we might have put to one side throughout our infertility and childlessness. Looking back, starting the podcast helped us to see that there was grief we were carrying, but not dealing with or facing. So we were struggling ourselves and the festive season, and not having children, often felt very daunting. So we put out a lot of content on the podcast to help others that might be feeling the same way.
One of those episodes was Chris’ Loss of Christmas Spirit (and I’ll link to everything I mention in the show notes for you to go and listen to if it strikes a chord with you). This episode was called this because overall we felt like Christmas had lost its joy for us and not having children meant we weren’t even around excitement that comes with them, so in this episode we chatted about it (and it might be an episode you need to hear this year to know you’re not alone in finding Christmas tough without the traditional family setup).
That year I also did a blog called ‘A weary world rejoices’ because it was a year when the words ‘a weary world’ in the carol O Holy Night rang truer than ever for me - the world felt so weary (and still does, maybe even more so!). In that blog I wanted to see how we can find ways to rejoice at Christmas anyway.
We also did an episode called ‘That weird time between Christmas and New Year’, which was a period that I found really hard, so that explored what it’s like when you’re struggling to find any hope for the next year that’s ahead. Especially if all your years look a bit the same.
Then from March 2022 to March 2023 I did a blog every month about what that month of the year was teaching me, because I needed a lot of encouragement and blessings through those months and I wanted it to help others find blessings in each season and month of the year, and that included ‘The Season of December’ which went out in the lead up to Christmas 2022. You can find all those season blogs on the blog page on the website by searching under the tag ‘seasons’. And maybe you need to hear the December one this month, to find something to enjoy in the last month of the year.
Then, also last Christmas, we put out an episode around food and grief and the connections that make the season hard for some in that area, and last week we put out an episode around the losses involved in Eating Disorders, again, another condition that will make the festive season very stressful for some. And it might be that these are episodes you want to hear this year.
Chris and I also did another update on how we were doing with Christmas 2022 and we included special messages from previous podcast guests about what they find hard, and what blesses them about the season. In fact, for Christmas 2022 we were very proactive and left the country for the first time to celebrate just the two of us in an Air Bnb in Belguim. But in that episode (which we did before we left) we had the amazing ‘In the Bleak Midwinter’ piano rendition from Chris’ brother, Jon (which thinking about it, I’ve just decided I’ll use it for one of my ‘The even more silent why’ Christmas episodes (you know the ones where I give you some quiet to think about things) because I just love to listen to him play, and that is one of my favourite carols.
And on New Year’s Eve last year we put out ‘Another New Year? Why?!!’ for those that needed some help and guidance on how to make New Year their friend and not their nemesis. This also included 20 questions to ask yourself to find out where you are right now and what you need. We also shared our New Year tradition and the song we like to play at midnight. So check that out if you’re needing some guidance before the new year hits, or want to get proactive around heading into 2024.
So whatever you’re feeling, there’s lots of content to help you feel less alone, and hopefully be encouraged that we’re not all doing the big ‘happy family’ Christmas. You are not alone.
So, what have we got planned for you in 2023?! Well, a lot of podcasts stop putting out content at Christmas and take a break, which makes sense, people have less time for podcasts maybe, but you know what? I’m not here for the busy Christmas people, that was never my goal. I’m here for those of you that might be alone at Christmas, saddened by Christmas, confused by Christmas, stressed by Christmas. So, as I’ll be in the country this year, I’m upping the content again instead.
On next Tuesday’s episode Chris and I will be chatting about all things Christmas. It’s unscripted chat about where we are with the festive season and how that might have changed, if at all, from the episode ‘Loss of Christmas spirit’ in 2021, and ‘Comfort at Christmas’ in 2022 and our reflections on going away for Christmas last year - in fact if you haven’t listened to those you might want to, to see where we started on this journey, and how we’re doing this year.
I’m also going to republish my short 3-4 min Hopelet episodes every day between Christmas Day and New Year’s Eve. These mini episodes are just little things you can listen to if you’re finding the season hard or you’re just struggling with the whole idea of ‘hope’. Whether you hope is small, weak, broken, high, in need of direction or buzzing - there’s something for everyone. And as there are 5 they’re based around the fingers on the hand. Of course.
And I’ll finish off those Hopelets on New Year’s Eve with my Know Hope blog - just to see you into the new year. That’s K.N.O.W by the way, not N.O. hope.
And don’t forget, if you’ve got people around you that are grieving this Christmas, and you’re not sure how to be about it, check out the blog that’s linked at the bottom of all our episodes on how to talk to those that are grieving. Just remember, if you’re not sure if you should get in touch with someone that’s been through something hard - always do it, even if you got it a little wrong, remembering someone at this time of year means a lot, whereas looking like you forgot or ignored them can really hurt.
So, let’s kick off this festive season, and I’m going to reshare, straight after this episode (see the next episode on your podcast feed), my blog: ‘Christmas, friend or foe foe foe?’ Because sometimes it’s hard to tell whether Christmas comes to help us, or hinder us.
So, from all of us here (well, both of us) at The Silent Why we’re wishing you all a very Hopey Christmas full of marzipan (or whatever your equivalent is - did I mention I love marzipan recently?!). We’ll be back next week with an update on where Chris and I are with the Christmas season - is it a friend or foe?
Tune in to find out.
I’m going to finish with a quote from an image I saw recently on the internet, I’m not sure who wrote it, sorry author. I’m fairly sure it’s not one of the greats, but it did make me smile. And that’s what you need at Christmas more than anything.
“The human body is 90% water. So we’re basically just cucumbers. With anxiety.”