Wales, work experience, bitey flies, chips and Dave

#077. In this episode, we (Chris & Claire) talk about our one-week break from the podcast recently and what we were up to - and it involved everything from fish to funerals, bodies to bitey flies!

Welcome back to The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief and see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.

For Loss 41/101 (Loss of life for a Funeral Director) we interviewed two Funeral Directors and this got me (Claire) thinking. Having never seen a dead body or been around death in that way, I thought it would be educational to learn more about this side of death and grief and put myself into some specific situations to see how it felt. So I did. And I took husband Chris along with me.

What was it like? What did we do? What did we see? How did it feel? What content have we recorded for future use? Find out in this episode as Chris and I offer some reflections on our time in North Wales.

To hear the previous episode with the two lovely Funeral Directors that hosted us and Lord-Brown & Harty: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7abc6ce6/loss-43101-loss-of-life-for-a-funeral-director-jonathen-harty-and-chris-lord-brown 

Transcript

Claire : 0:02

Hello, and welcome back to The Silent Why.

Chris: 0:04

Thank you.

Claire : 0:05

Not you.

Chris: 0:06

Pleasure to be here.

Claire : 0:08

The listeners. I'm Claire.

Chris: 0:10

I'm Chris.

Claire : 0:11

And we are here on this podcast about loss and grief, but specifically trying to find hope through it, and is it possible to find 101 different types of loss and grief. So, welcome if you're new, welcome back if you're not.

Chris: 0:24

We're a married couple been married for 17... 18 years.

Claire : 0:29

18 years.

Chris: 0:29

18 years. And just the two of us, no children, as part of our story of childlessness and infertility that's led to us doing this podcast really, recognising that there's so much in life to grieve, so much loss, not necessarily just the obvious losses, like a bereavement of a loved one, that we wanted to start having those conversations to make people think more about, you know, the loss of an identity, an occupation, or body part, some sort of physical health thing, all sorts. So that's why we're in search of 101 different types of loss.

Claire : 1:08

And this last week, we were staying with somebody at an Airbnb thing. And she was saying, she looked us up when she heard that I did a podcast and she sort of saw what we were doing, and came back to me and said, it's really interesting, because she had been through a divorce. And she said, I've never really thought about that as like a grief and loss.

Chris: 1:24

She'd never really thought of it, but so much made sense when she reflected back on that time, and the years afterwards, there was quite a lot that she recognises, you know, she was grieving whether she knew at the time or not.

Claire : 1:34

And so seeing it in a different way, and working out why it felt so hard for her to go through that. So that sort of thing just reminds me how important these conversations are, because there's still so many people who go through things like childlessness, and like divorce, who just don't see it as some kind of grief. So it's important that we have these conversations. And sometimes I think that it's so normal for us having done this for a year and a half, it's like, 'well, maybe we've told everybody now that there's lots of losses, and there's lots of griefs'. But I have to remind myself, so many people out there are going through these things that aren't seen as the sort of same thing as bereavement, which are seen as like the kind of'typical grief'. So I really want people to get some encouragement that you know, whatever you've been through, even if you've lost a house or a job or something like Chris said in his list, there things that need grieving, and it might be a shorter grieving process. It might be longer, you don't know it depends on the person, but they're very important. And our job is to try and find hope in them. Is it possible to find hope in all these kinds of losses? And sometimes it won't be for certain individuals. But does that mean it can't be found through that loss by anybody? Potentially not? So that's sort of what we're exploring and looking at and finding people who have found hope through these things in the hope that it gives other people hope. Hope kind of spreads.

Chris: 2:42

Lots of hope, hopey, hope, hope.

Claire : 2:44

We're all about the hope. And yeah, so we've had a break, we had a week off the week before last there was no episode. So the reason for that was that we were off to do something. And I alluded to it in my social media. And at the end of the previous episode, just saying we were off to do something exciting, it was still grief and loss related. But it would mean I wouldn't be putting out an episode that week. So we thought we'd come back now tell you a bit about what that was, why we were doing it. And then there's some more content to come on it throughout the next couple of months, I'll spread out some stuff about what we were doing. So it all started when we did an episode on one of the losses, and I forget which number it was talking to funeral directors about what it was like to work in a profession where you're dealing with loss and grief and death every day. And that was a very eye opening episode, I think to what that sort of career sort of vocation goes through the sort of things these people have to deal with. And I find it quite challenging to think there are people out there doing that, and quite humbling to think there are people out there doing these sorts of jobs every day. And you know, they have some real horror stories. They have some amazing stories, but it's a very unique kind of calling I think, that kind of jobs. I'm very grateful people are doing it. And we interviewed two funeral directors about that. And after that interview, I was chatting to them in lots of different ways. It was Chris Lord-Brown and Jonathen Harty. And they said that people are very welcome to come and see what they do. So I decided to take them up on their offer, and asked if we could come and have a look around and do work experience before I'd mentioned it to Chris.

Chris: 4:16

Yeah, that before you'd come to me to say, 'could you take a week off work?' I'm like,'Yeah, sure. Should we have a holiday?' 'Well, we could do or we could go do some work experience.'

Claire : 4:27

At a funeral directors. So yeah, we did we we got it all sorted out. And we found two days to go and spend some time with them. And they were very kind and very generous with their time. And just showing us a little bit about what their work looks like, what sort of things they encounter, what their day to day office work looks like what they do when they're out and about collecting people that have died, all these sorts of things. So really fascinating. Some people thought we were crazy. Why on earth would you want to go and do that sort of thing, but I think it was I felt like it was important that Know what you felt when I told you but I felt like, because I've been to a lot of funerals. I think I tried to count them up the other day because I was doing this. And it was it was over nearly over 20, some in person, some online during COVID. And they ranged from ages of quite small children, right through to people in the 90s. I'd never actually seen a dead body, I hadn't actually ever come across death, face to face like that. And I felt like if I'm doing a podcast like this, I want to immerse myself more in that side of what people go through, what is it like going into the funeral home? What's it like talking to people that are grieving? What's it like to see a dead body? What's it like to you know, be at the crematorium? All these sorts of things. So that's partly why I thought it was important for me to just put myself in that situation. And I was curious to see how I would act. And then, you know, I thought, well, if I'm going, Chris is part of the podcast, too,

Chris: 5:50

I did ask you - 'Do you want me there? Do you want to do it, I'm happy to come with you and just let you go and do your thing?' And you were like, 'No'. You always love sharing experiences.

Claire : 5:59

I do.

Chris: 6:01

Thank you. It was... I was gonna say it was a pleasure, it was an interesting couple of days.

Claire : 6:06

It was. I think it's one of those things that sometimes in our marriage, I book you in to do something or I pick to do something, and you're not part of the planning. And you're not incredibly sure about it. But I know you're going to really enjoy it. I think this was one of those experiences. And when I say enjoy, I mean enjoys in. It's just fascinating to immerse yourself in a different kind of job and world, that you wouldn't normally get to see it was a complete privilege, we were able to do it.

Chris: 6:29

Yeah, totally. I... Well, thank you for

Claire : 6:33

You're welcome.

Chris: 6:33

Thank you for taking the lead. And we didn't just have that wasn't the entire trip away. We did have a few days of rest and refreshment and exploring Snowdonia National Park in Wales.

Claire : 6:43

Yeah, it was a nice mix of everything. So that's what we were doing. And off the back of that I've got some more content coming up for the podcast, because I'm going to do a blog episode talking about what is it like coming face to face with death? You know, when you see your first dead body -what does that feel like? And why did I feel like I needed to do that? Don't worry, I haven't recorded any live audio for you on that

Chris: 7:00

It would be very quiet! one.

Claire : 7:02

It would be very quiet, but maybe a little creepy, I'm not sure that would really work. And the other thing we did was we went to visit the Eternal Forest, which is a beautiful natural forest burial ground in Wales. And we recorded some audio with Julia, who runs that as part of the charity that owns it. And we're going to put that into an episode as well, so you can hear that and that's really worth hearing because it's just a fascinating place. And if I lived in Wales, I'd be booking my slot there already.

Chris: 7:27

You can hear the sound of the birds, the wind in the trees, the horse flies landing on us and being swatted before they bite us

Claire : 7:34

We all very well wrapped up,

Chris: 7:36

Covered in spray, flies. But oh, my word it was a week and a half of bitey things.

Claire : 7:41

I think we were unfortunate because our hosts in one of the places said it it only just occurred the last two days. So it was yeah, it was unfortunate timing. That's not Wales as a whole. That's just when we were there. But yes, it was a bit bitey. we're still healing now.

Chris: 7:54

Just to pick up on, and you have said this, I'm not sure how the role of a funeral director, to come back to that. I don't know how that translates in different countries, different cultures. But I certainly have never really given it much thought but my understanding of a funeral director we did the interview, which was eye opening, but before that my understanding of what a funeral director does is organise the funeral. So they're very smart, they're driving hearses. They collect whoever's died in the coffin, they take you to...

Claire : 8:19

No one dies in a coffin.

Chris: 8:21

No, no, of course not. No. But I never really thought about all the stuff before that. And so it was really surprising for me to experience to hear about first of all, in the episode that we did, the variety of stuff, you know, right from the very clean and comfortable meeting of families in their lovely sort of accommodation where the funeral home is welcoming people in there making that really inviting space for those who are, you know, who are grieving really, organising funeral arrangements through to the stuff out the back for stuff that you don't see the dressing of the dead bodies and the call outs in the middle of the night, the traipsing through woods to collect people that have taken their own lives, all that sort of stuff, as well as really surprising how much you know, they do it all. Basically, they're like the sixth emergency service. I think we have four Emergency Services, don't we? The fifth is breakdown. So we'll call it the 6th emergency service.

Claire : 9:13

What's the fourth? Is that lifeguard?

Chris: 9:18

Good point.

Claire : 9:19

Not lifeguard, the sea one.

Chris: 9:20

Ok, well, they're, they're like an emergency service.

Claire : 9:21

Always dangerous to try and number stuff when you're not experienced.

Chris: 9:24

I won't number them. But yeah, it's really surprising that what they experienced and see they don't have an outlet for it. They're not offered. You know, there's not an industry that offers them support and counselling. And just, you know, it's just their families. Basically, they go home at the end of a night at the end of a day, maybe don't want to share with their families, what they've experienced. They just they just bottle it up. I guess my challenge is if you meet a funeral director in the weeks, months years ahead, then just yeah, ask them how they are. Tell them you're thinking of them because you appreciate all they do behind the scenes, and all they swallow and push down for are good, really.

Claire : 10:00

Yeah, I think every time now I see a news story. And sadly, there are many now of people that have died in any form. I'm thinking about the quiet job of the undertaker in the background that's going in to collect the body. And I would say yes, if you meet one, apparently, I've spoken to a few, and they've said that, at weddings, they're like the like the interesting person to sit next to because people are fascinated by what they do by actually, rather than quizzing them on a lot of stuff. I think I'd just start with a thank you. Because to have people in our society that are willing to do that, and go into some horrific situations, to do what the family needs to be done in a very careful and a very sensitive way, I think is pretty impressive. I would also like to add that when I said'lifeguard', I've realised it's Coast Guard, because the lifeguard's, the guy that sits by the swimming pool, and I don't think he's an emergency service.

Chris: 10:47

Well, for some he is. Nubmer seven - the lifeguard.

Claire : 10:53

We really need to work on our emergency service list, we will sort this out. But yes, you're right, amazing people. And although, you know, obviously, we didn't see a lot of what they do, we didn't see all the prepping of bodies and things. But we did go on a collection to collect somebody and see a body. There was so much more there that I don't even know if I would have wanted to see, which is saying something. So I don't really like sort of saying, 'Oh, I wouldn't want to see, do what you do'. I feel like that's a bit insulting in some ways, like, 'oh, you can do it, but I'm not gonna do it'. So mostly, I think with most people's jobs, I'd be interested to see everything they do. But with theirs there were areas where I just thought, Wow, if I, if I had to see that that would be a big step. Like people who have seen autopsies. I know a lot of people have seen autopsies and post mortems as part of their role in just medicine. That's another step as well. I admire people who put themselves in a situation of wanting to be interested just to educate themselves, because it is not not easy stuff to see from the stories that I've heard, so one step at a time. Who knows? Maybe we'll see a post mortem at some point, but I'm not there yet.

Chris: 11:53

No, me neither. If you asked me to take another week off work. You've got work experience in a hospital. I'll be saying 'no!'

Claire : 12:00

Yeah.

Chris: 12:01

I know what you're going for.

Claire : 12:02

I won't go too far.

Chris: 12:03

That's a whole other level. I mean, talking of work, you wouldn't have experienced this, unfortunately, you work from home. So for me, it was it was brilliant to go back to work. And people say 'oh, hey, how was your week off? What do you get up to?' And I'd be like,'Oh, well, we watch some ospreys, we ate fish and chips by the sea, we explored a beautiful National Park and streams and waterfalls and, and saw some dead bodies' and they're like... 'what?'

Claire : 12:26

As you do in Wales.

Chris: 12:28

Just watching, you know, just to see with a few different colleagues at work, just seeing their intrigue, or they're like'nope, don't tell me about that.

Claire : 12:35

People are really.... I think even my mother was like,'oh, no, you're not like you're not my daughter'.

Chris: 12:40

You're not my daughter!

Claire : 12:41

'Why? Why would you want to do that?' and she's a nurse. So yeah, I think it's been an interesting list of responses. You know, we talk a lot about wording on this podcast, and really watching how we word things. And I think another one that's hit me has been when you come back from holiday or being away a lot of people default to 'have you had a nice time?' 'Did you have a lovely time away?' 'Was it amazing?' They assume it was good. And I've actually started to find that a little irritating, because actually, holidays are for some people are quite stressful. They're not always this amazing getaway with a family get to all be together. And it's a bit different, unique and you've gone somewhere amazing. For a lot of people holiday are quite stressful. They can be very challenging financially, so they need to go well, and if they don't, that can be quite disappointing. And I think for us, we've had a lot of holidays, where we've had some lovely times and we know that we're privileged to be able to afford it and go away and do it. But at the same time, it's been a very difficult week, either because of talking about childlessness, and trying to come to terms with where we are in life or because of my health and just feeling ill or not myself, you know, or one of us has had COVID or something. So the assumption that when people come back from home, it's always good, I think is quite a dangerous way to go. I think I think I prefer the whole kind of line of 'how was your time away?' rather than the assumption it was amazing.

Chris: 13:59

...that it was good. You're away, so it must have been good. And I mean, you know, remember back a week ago, we met a couple who'd afford themselves a luxury break away in St. Lucia, which they were really looking forward to and needed after quite a lengthy spell of renovating a house but anyway, they near the start the holiday got held up by knifepoint on the beach and got mugged and had stuff nicked like their mobile phones, passports, and they were fine, thankfully. But you know, it's just like if they're not going to come back and say, 'Oh, that was an amazing luxury holiday' they're going to come back saying 'that was traumatising'.

Claire : 14:32

Well, it's a loss, there's grief there. You've lost a holiday that you're looking forward to you thought it'd be amazing that cost a lot of money. And it's all gone. Yeah, actually, you can come back off the back of a holiday with grief. It's not that you assume people are having a bad time but I think we just we need to be a bit more careful sometimes.

Chris: 14:46

We say this often, or think this often across all anniversaries, celebrations, in it's just the danger potentially of assumed knowledge. Where you assume something's good - you assume someone's on half-term holiday because you are, you assume it's been a good holiday, you assume it's a happy occasion and stuff.

Claire : 15:01

Oh yes! People with children - come on. That whole'have you had a good week?' And I look at them and think you've never really asked me that before - 'Yeah, yes'. And then I twig, you're only asking me because it's half term, which doesn't apply to me at all.

Chris: 15:12

You need to forgive them and move on, we've had this conversation before.

Claire : 15:15

No! I'm educating them for everybody else out there. There will be people out there right now, without children just sitting there going, yes, the whole world does not run by term time.

Chris: 15:23

More empathy, less assumption, I think. More trying to understand where somebody else is, rather than assuming,

Claire : 15:29

And remembering - they spent a whole bunch of time not having term times dictate their life. They know what it's like, unless you're a teacher. So on the whole, they just it's just remembering that you were there once and that not everybody is in the same boat. But anyway...

Chris: 15:42

We've come a long way from Wales now.

Claire : 15:44

We have yeah. But we're back. It was a lovely week. It was it was mixed with, you know, fascination and beauty with nature and relaxing and... Bitey flies. Less relaxing. But certain things.

Chris: 15:54

Bitey flies. Yeah. And we've come back to reality. And even that has been, for me a bit tricky. I think I described it to somebody, it was a bumpy landing back into routine. I just felt like questions come up when you go on holiday, don't they about what you're doing with life? Where are you what's happening? And I think I've got a lot of things that I want to do and achieve. But I haven't quite fully got my hormones and my health back in check. It's getting there. But it's not where I want it to be. I've got my writing that I want to do. I'm doing the podcasting, balancing, that is all quite challenging sometimes when you're working to all of your own deadlines and your own goals. So it throws up a lot of things when you get back up, like where am I? What do I want to do? So, yes, I think Sunday, I was a bit shattered my digestive system just shut off briefly for a while like, 'No, we're overwhelmed. We can't do this!' Which again, shouldn't happen off the back of holiday, you're supposed to be refreshed. And then someone says'have a nice break?'

Claire : 16:50

Exactly. And that's when it's like, how do I describe this? And I end up saying 'yeah, was lovely'. Rather than actually saying,'Actually, it's been really hard and coming back's been difficult. And I feel like I need a holiday.'

Chris: 17:00

But then you just get accused of being indulgent, and

Claire : 17:02

you feel selfish, and it doesn't feel... and then you beat yourself up about it. And that's why your stomach shuts down. So it's very, it's very difficult. We want people out there who know this feeling to know, don't worry, if you go on holiday, and it's more stressful because you don't get on with your husband, if you go on holiday with your kids and it's a nightmare, because the family dynamics are really hard when it's that intense, if you go on holiday, because you don't have children, you come back and you're confused, if you can't go on holiday, because you're single and don't have anyone you want to go with. We get it. It's not all amazing. So just be aware of that. And again, it's another loss. It's part of your journey. It's part of what you're going through that it's hard. And again, I think people need to just be sensitive around these kinds of things, especially in workplaces and stuff. If you say how was your holiday? Was it amazing? And they say yes, there's a high chance it wasn't, but because you phrased it that way. They don't know how to turn you around and tell you it wasn't because they felt like it was a privilege to go in the first place. So all good things to

Chris: 17:50

And if you... I don't want to linger on this, but if learn. you if you do then have to say to them-

Claire : 17:54

Why don't you want to linger on it?

Chris: 17:56

Well-

Claire : 17:56

Even that, that in itself was annoying. It's a short podcast episode. We should linger on these things they're important.

Chris: 18:00

But if someone says 'Is it amazing?' and you turn around and say 'Well, no, it wasn't' then you feel like you're just gonna be the depressing one.

Claire : 18:05

Yeah.

Chris: 18:06

Oh, they walk away from that conversation like 'Oh, my word, they should be more thankful'

Claire : 18:09

They've been away. I haven't been away. It's about recognising individual journeys.

Chris: 18:14

Yes. And I'm recognising you're spiralling into darkness when we get back from a holiday.

Claire : 18:20

Are you though?

Chris: 18:22

Not always

Claire : 18:24

Nearly always cheery. Very difficult living with someone this cheerful.

Chris: 18:28

You miss the Undertaker's I understand. Yes. Yeah, the weightiness.

Claire : 18:30

I do, yes. There's an energy about an undertakers that I understand. The severity of life. I'm much more comfortable in that than I am at a party.

Chris: 18:41

It's true.

Claire : 18:42

It is true. It's sad. No, not sad, it's who I am as an individual. I'm going to celebrate it, but in a very low key funeral way. Anyway, that was our week, that's what we were doing. We've got some more content. And I'm going to process it and put it into blogs and stuff to explain it a bit more about what that was like. So if you're interested in that stay tuned.

Chris: 18:59

And some lovely sounds.

Claire : 18:59

Got lots of nice sounds I recorded. So I had a new type I'm looking forward to those because it's gonna take me right of episode that I put out a few weeks ago, which it just really back to where we were when we recorded them. short, five minute episodes that just ask you to tune into something specific about yourself. And for two minutes, I Yeah, unfortunately, several of them got abandoned because, one just play some sound that I've found somewhere somewhere I've been I've found really relaxing. And then you can just think I was doing a lovely one of the morning, I wanted to get the through that. It's just a moment to just make you stop and listen and appreciate something about what you're going through. And so I'm on the lookout now for any sounds around me that I think would be good background sounds. So I've got a whole chunk of those from Wales. I've got some lovely birds. I've got some babbling brooks. I've got waterfalls, I've got all kinds of stuff that I'm going to use for those episodes. So stay tuned for that as well. steam train in the distance but didn't manage to catch I don't think, but I did get the lovely birds but then our host came out and started chatting...

Chris: 19:59

'Morning!'

Claire : 19:59

Half way through! So not all of them always went to plan. And sometimes the wind was so loud, you couldn't hear anything else. So that went as well. But I did get some lovely sounds of me either walking around or sitting still. And yeah, to get those coming up. So I'll put a few of those out over the summer, I am going to try and do more writing over the summer, because it's harder to record podcast episodes, when the kids are off school round here, it's quite loud. And our podcast room, although it's got a lot of soundproofing in it, and we shut off the windows and everything, the house and the walls still aren't quite strong enough to hold out all the sounds. So it's quite hard to record things. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to try and do a lot more writing over the summer. So I'm going to pre do shorter little episodes, probably that I'll put out over the summer. And then it's easier for people to catch up, cuz I know it's a busy time for some people anyway. And that's why I'm going to do next I'm going to focus on my writing. But I've already got about four interviews booked in for September for losses, and let's chat and all kinds. So don't worry, we're not petering out of this. We were coming back strong in September.

Chris: 21:01

I'm not worried.

Claire : 21:01

And watch this space, because eventually I will get this novel finished.

Chris: 21:04

101 different types of loss, can you find hope in them, we're up to about what 44,43?

Claire : 21:10

I told you about not giving lists of numbers.

Chris: 21:12

I think we're in the 40s. So we've we've got a long way to go to achieve our target of 101.

Claire : 21:17

We're at loss 45.

Chris: 21:19

So 45 got a long way to go to get to 101 We really value the support we get. So thank you for the feedback, the emails, the comments on social media,

Claire : 21:27

Reviews!

Chris: 21:27

Oh yes reviews! Not mentioned that for a while. So important review, episode to rate or review, whatever your particular platform where you listen to the podcast is so important if you could rate or review us.

Claire : 21:39

I think we've got like 10 or 15 reviews, but there are a lot more people out there listening. So please, please review us, it really helps. We can't compete with some of these big podcasts. And part of that is that they'll get like 100 reviews, and then that pushes them up and helps other people see them and work out if they want to listen. So it's just a free thing to do but it's really important. It's on Apple podcasts, you can do it on Spotify, but Apple podcast is the main place everyone goes, GoodPods, if anyone uses that app, you can do it on there as well. But they are really important for helping us find new people find your listeners. And the bigger it gets, the more stuff I could do. So it's it is really important. The podcast has hit nearly 22,000 downloads so far, so that's very exciting!

Chris: 22:19

Isn't it? Wow.

Claire : 22:20

We've done way better than we thought. When we first started out, we were like, Let's see if we get 1000 downloads by Christmas. This was in the September. And we did it. We went over the 1000. And that was really exciting. And now we're on 22. So that's really encouraging. So yeah, thank you. And it's all over the world as well, which is really, really lovely.

Chris: 22:34

Yeah, definitely. And how can we support you and your writing and that all the time that you give making this happen?

Claire : 22:40

Yes. So I have some people who donate regularly, and they are wonderful people that I am very appreciative of. So thank you if you're one of those, and I list them on our website, but yeah, www.buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy, is some way you can go to either just buy me a one off coffee, it's actually a fancy tea because I drink tea rather than coffee. But you can buy me one of those as a one off, or you can buy me 3,4,5,6, or 10. Or you can support me monthly. And then there's different kinds of little rewards you get for doing that. And the people who are doing that already, are helping me pay towards the costs of the podcast. So the cost of the podcast is already covered by those people, which is fantastic. Because podcasts actually cost money to put out there because you're paying for your hosting. But because of that, because of these people genuinely giving their money, those costs are covered for me, which really helps. But anything I get on top of that just helps me actually live day to day and continue this and I'd like to, you know, bring it into more areas. And I'm looking at other ways I can make money through the kind of area of grief and loss. But if you appreciate what's happening here and you want it to continue, I do need some form of support along the line or else at some point, I might just have to go and jack it in and work in a supermarket.

Chris: 23:44

Well, I hope that doesn't happen.

Claire : 23:45

Me too.

Chris: 23:45

Nothing wrong with a supermarket, but I know how much you love doing this. And I also long for the day where we go away on holiday like we've just had the week away. And you say something like, 'oh, you know, we're going out for lunch. I'll get this'. And I know that you mean it.

Claire : 23:59

Actually to be fair, I do say that a lot. Mostly in jest.

Chris: 24:01

You do say it. I'd love you to mean it

Claire : 24:11

It would be nice to have a few luxuries, which is what what I could bring in maybe one day.

Chris: 24:23

And we do have a shared bank account. So it's not like er, 'you can get this...'

Claire : 24:27

The 'what's mine is yours' is very true in our marriage which I'm very grateful for at this stage of my life.

Chris: 24:31

I'd just like a bit more of yours to be mine!

Claire : 24:33

Yeah I'm sure you would.

Chris: 24:34

Financially.

Claire : 24:35

Well, I'm trying. I'm trying. Let me get my novel done. If I can sell 4 or 5 copies, maybe we can have that tea.

Chris: 24:42

Copies or coffees?

Claire : 24:43

Copies.

Chris: 24:44

Copies. Oh the book?

Claire : 24:45

Yes, oh dear, you don't even listen anymore.

Chris: 24:48

I am listening, you just don't speak very clearly.

Claire : 24:50

You've got headphones on! I'm literally been pumped into your ear. Right. Moving on. Anyway. Yes. Thank you for listening wherever you are right now we really appreciate you. And we hope that you're getting something from the podcast in the way of learning about grief and loss, we've got more losses coming up for you, we're almost hitting the halfway mark. So that's exciting. We'll have to do something we've worked out the halfway mark is halfway through the 51st episode or something...

Chris: 25:16

Don't try and do numbers!

Claire : 25:18

We should break that one up with a big like, 'we're halfway!' and then carry on with the interview. Don't worry we won't do that for 51.

Chris: 25:25

That would be awkward.

Claire : 25:26

So we'll be back soon with some more losses. And I've got lots of Let's Chats, cos I've got lots of subjects that are really interesting that people want to hear more about, or people I've come across that I want to talk to, so got some good ones of those coming up. And my metaphorical shed that I'm building is now getting packed out with tools. So that's very exciting. I do picture a nonfiction book about that one day. So that will be good about all the tools for loss and helping you get through loss and grief. So if you haven't been through loss yet, or you haven't been through a lot of grief, there's some great ways of learning how to get through it. And we really believe that you can prepare yourself to an extent for this, and actually the episode I did on the grieving brain with Mary Frances O'Connor, the scientist, she said there are ways you can prepare for loss, they can see that so - scientific fact! So thank you for listening. If you want to find out any more about us, we've got our story of childlessness, you can listen to Episode 3, where we talk about our journey personally with loss of fertility. And you can follow us on social media, even if you just follow us on social media, or share some of our posts just to help other people understand different kinds of losses. That's really encouraging. So we're on Instagram as@thesilentwhypod. Facebook, you'll find us The Silent Why Podcast, Twitter@thesilentwhypod and LinkedIn - The Silent Why Podcast - so find us wherever you are, and drop us a like or an encouragement, and we'll see/speak to you.

Chris: 26:42

We'll be in your ears

Claire : 26:43

Next week.

Chris: 26:44

Next week.

Claire : 26:45

Amen. I don't have a quote this week. So thinking back on last week, the words that come to mind were part of the story that the Funeral Director Jonathen Harty told us it made us chuckle a lot. It was a very funny story. And only he will know what they fully mean - but I think they are applicable to all of us.

Chris: 27:01

Well, you know, by all means, reach out to Jonathen and ask him why - there's a story involving a hearse and muddy field and a tractor that didn't turn up...

Claire : 27:10

All because of his famous words...

Chris & Claire: 27:12

"Live dangerously, Dave."